Journal

I got an e-mail from Sentor Dodd this morning inviting me to share my thoughts on the health care issue and how it had affected me.

Here's what I wrote:

Dear Senator Dodd,

I grew up in a home where caring for the less fortunate was always encouraged. Our house was where all of the neighborhood strays gathered, animals and children alike, and every child was an equal regardless of the cut of our clothes or the state of the homes where we each lived.

As I set out on my own, I continued to seek ways to be of service to the people around me, offering homeless men my couch and a meal, traveling across the globe to build water systems and hospitals, then to San Bernardino to help teach kids how to write about their lives.

I've had a good life.

It was while working with homeless veterans that I first got angry about how we treat the least among us. Like many, I grew up believing that this was the greatest country on earth and, with some reservations, I believe this is still true. But our greatness lies in our potential, not in the realities I see around me.

Almost 20 years ago, my mom, my great inspiration for helping others, was diagnosed with emphysema. She was a smoker for 30 years and had other health problems prior to this but the long, slow death ended up bankrupting my parents. They never complained, never thought to join a class-action against a tobacco company, never fought with the insurance companies who slowly pared down my parents coverage until they paid almost everything out of pocket. They just paid, and paid, and paid, taking out second and third mortgages on their home, letting their employees go, selling their small business, and the only financial relief for them came when she eventually died.

Watching their struggle and not being able to help beyond writing the occasional check to cover household expenses of course made me think of those less fortunate than we were; those who simply died because they couldn't afford treatment.

Why, with all of the great wealth of this nation do we treat the least among us so callously? Regardless of our religious beliefs, we all claim to care for those less fortunate. Are we so selfish, so greedy in our hearts that we cannot reach out beyond ourselves to help?

Is our government so cynical that it can't see how a healthy work force makes sense to build our economy? Are our insurance companies, pharma companies, and benefits managers so greedy that they can't provide better, more cost-effective care and forego the record salaries they take home? Ultimately we have to ask what have we become? What does our future hold? We are 37th in the world in health care, our economy is in a shambles, and we are beholden to Wall Street more and more as each year goes by.

I am now convinced that a single-payer health care system is the only way to realize the full potential of delivering health care to every American, cradle to grave, and implore you to fight for nothing less than a full public option as a first step toward this goal.

I have great respect for you as both a person and a politician. I know it's an ugly business doing what you do and that you must struggle to balance your personal integrity with the political realities of Washington. That said, I trust you to do what's best for the people.

Paul Asplund
Los Angeles, CA

I've had some time to reflect over the past few days and I want to put this down to help me clarify my thoughts.

I realize that I have been fighting, resisting, and wearing myself out trying to stem the losses that I have "perceived" over the past few months.

I say perceived because there's always the other side to loss and that is the creation of space for new things.

Many of you know that in April of this year, I discovered that my partner of many years was in love with someone else. I did the mature thing and confronted him about it and asked him to leave. It was as simple as that, on it's surface, and the feelings of failure, fear, and disappointment all came afterward when I was all alone with our place, our pets, and my thoughts.

Thinking has often been a problem for me. I always laughed at the first description I ever heard of the "alcoholic" mind and that was the idea that an alcoholic (like me) is possessed of a mind that is sure it can kill me off and keep on going.

Problem is that my thinking can be so self-destructive that I sabotage things. Knowing that, I take full responsibility for my part in the end of my marriage and for the work that any relationship with me can entail. My friends, the one's who get close to me, know that I can be prickly but unless they're fellow alcoholics or know one of our kind, they rarely understand the mechanism that drives them crazy and us to recovery.

It's all about fear of losing things, or, conversely, of not getting what I want. Add the public humiliation of a failed marriage and you have the perfect storm for me to go down hard.

Three weeks ago, my best friend, the person who has endured me the longest in LA, got a job offer in a different city. We had been joking about leaving LA for a long time, dreaming and plotting for that commune, spa, or B&B somewhere far from LA.

Let me explain that this is a tough place and takes some skills to survive (and/or a LOT of money). We're both fairly sane adults living in a city of powerful children (I'll explain more about that concept in another entry) and we are no longer willing to sign onto the insanity that launches careers and sends the castoffs to reality-television recovery programs.

LA can wear on a person and our love-hate relationship with this town was something we shared.

So, my other anchor to LA is gone, leaving me with a lease, a job, and a new beau (more on him later too) as the only things keeping me here.

Once again, I'm at the jumping off point.

I've discovered, after some quiet time to consider things, that I have stepped out of the stream that has given me such a great life and settled for the easier, softer way.

Some of you will recognize that last phrase as a spiritual death sentence for someone like me. If I don't move forward, I move backward, there is no resting on this path. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy each moment for what it's worth but I need to remember that they're moments and transitory, nothing is meant to stay the same.

I tend to grab them, to cement them in place with some special memento or meaning that they don't really have, and to build a "safe" place for myself to hide out. One look around my house and you'll see what I mean.

So here I am again, diving back into the stream of life. I've chosen "faith over fear" and am willing to go wherever this path takes me. Life has been very kind to me and I haven't always shown my gratitude. Many of you have reached out to me and thank you for that.

I'll write more here when time allows and would love to hear your experience, strength, and hope as well. We all came here for the same reasons and sharing about our respective journeys is maybe the most important thing we can do for each other.

Paul

As I listened to President Obama's inaugural speech this morning these words jumped out at me,

"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive . . . that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."

You might have heard President Obama tell the story but it bears repeating here. During the Revolutionary War, when we were as close to losing this country as we have ever been, General George Washington asked that these words be read to every American. These words have become part of the fabric of America, and express many of the ideals that continue to make our experiment in Democracy work.

We all face challenges every day -- that's why we're members of DailyStrength, to help each other get through the rough patches and not lose hope that things will get better.

Over the next few months we will not only be discussing our dad-to-day lives, but also helping each other understand larger issues around the future of health care, the economy, and other challenges we face together.

Even if you heard the speech already, it's worth reading again (I'm on my third time through). I close with these words from today's inaugural address:

"The time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

Are we Ready?