Journal

OK.  It's been forever since I've written in my journal.  So much has happened.  First, my son has been diagnosed with complete heart block aka third degree heart block.  Because that usually happens to babies whose mothers have lupus or other autoimmune disorders, I've been tested for lupus.  Also, my thyroid levels are being checked, as is my B12.  I could go on all day about symptoms, but the fact is, all of them could be lupus, or a hundred other things, like STRESS--who could imagine a mother of four with stress?  LOL.....

Anyway, my doctor ordered all that bloodwork and X-rays of my knee, wrists and hands.  I'm thinking everything will come back normal.  I won't know the results until  next Thursday. 

I started my new job today.  I have reservations about working.  The good news is, it is only three days a week.  The days I work happen to be the days my husband has off, so he is watching the kids.  So far, so good.  I like the job and we could use the extra $$.  The best part is it's only a few days a week, so I'm not away from the children for very long.  My poor husband will probably be looking forward to the days he goes to work.  No, I take that back--the best part is my husband learning what it's like to care for four children ALL day, while I'm at work!  Anyway, my boss is GREAT and VERY flexible with appointments etc.

Well, that's about it.  My doctor thinks I'm depressed.  I don't want to be depressed and don't want to take medication, so I declare myself "not depressed".  I really think working a few days a week will do me a world of good.  For example, I'm a very organized person by nature.  However, my four children have some secret mission to keep our house in a permanent state or turmoil.  My youngest wants to be held 24/7, so I see all these things daily that need to be done and I just don't have time to clean up to my own standards!  I have the energy and desire to be productive, but my kids need my attention more.  However, at work, I have the energy and desire to be productive--and it's getting me a good evaluation!  I get to burn off some of my nervous energy and feel like I've accomplished something.  Now, don't think that I'm saying I don't accomplish wonderful things at home.  That's a different catergory.  I'm not talking about the accomplishment of loving, spending time with, and teaching my children.  I'm talking about cleaning and organizing.  I never felt that I've missed out on anything when it comes to the love of my children!  I'm lucky in that.

Well, I"m shutting up now.....