RuthMH's Journal

   I haven't been active here for some time.   I have been peeking in, every now and then but not much more than that.   I got so discouraged with my Epilepsy and seizures that I decided if I didn't see it all the time, here, and I didn't talk about it, that maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about it.  Ha!!   It really doesn't work that way.

After being put on a new med a while ago I started to see an improvement.   In spite of the Neurologist, who I had felt had given up on me, I was starting to think things were getting better.   And they did.   For most of the summer. I was so pleased and was having a great summer with my family.   Things were looking up.

Fast forward to now....the seizures have come back.  The auras have come back and the problems this whole thing brings with my vision have come back.   I am getting the flashing lights, the lights that seem to come out of nowhere, rushing toward me, the flickering lights and sometimes the vision in one eye goes completely black and the other eye gets tunnel vision.   Even though I know they aren't real, the "lights" SEEM so real that I instinctively cover my eyes or dodge out of the way.   It's very scary for me.  Never knowing when or where it is going to happen.  And not knowing what to do about it.   Some meds seem to have a short life span with me before my body begins to reject them I guess.

My  "nasty Neuro", as I like to call him, seems to think the vision problems are probaly not related to my Epilepsy or seizures or auras.   He waived his hand and dismissed that right off the bat.   Instead he says it is probably a type of migraine, without the migraine part.   I think he is nuts!!!!!

After 35 years of always respecting and believing everything the docs have ever said to me I am now at a place where I don't trust them as much.   Not good.   To his credit, my "nasty neuro" has set an appointment for me for mid Sept to see an E specialist.   This will be the very first time in my life to see one.  (can't remember the title of the doc at this moment)...Epi....  something or other.

It seems a bit late in the game.   I almost cancelled the appoint. because I am afraid of getting pushed to the side again.   But no.   I will go.   One more time I will trust.   I do have this thing with trust issues.   Once I feel it is broken, I am one to pull away.  

I'm just a bit down right now and needed to write and at least I know anyone that reads this if anyone does, will understand my feelings.   I am just going through moments of feeling like this.   Luckily, it doesn't stay with me more than a day or so. 

I had the Double Length Sleep Deprived EEG....that was a trip!   It produced some results so that is good they tell me.   More on that later I am told.

So thats it.   Nothing else to report yet.   I did have a terrific summer though and got a new camera.  My first camera in about 20 years.   So this whole digital thing is foreign territory to me.   My 10 year old grandson Jordan showed me a few things so that helps.   Now everyone is running from me....they know I take the camera  with me everywhere I go!   Quite a learning experience for me.   But it is fun to learn something new.

My honey, Doug,  has been his usual wonderful self with me.   I don't know how I got so lucky there.   I have this theory that everything I have gone through in my past has led me to the love in my life now.   I believe everything happens for a reason and that a lesson is to be learned from all things.   So, that is my story for tonight.

Be well all my DS friends and please forgive me for being absent so long.   I just have these things to take care of......I will be back soon to participate more as I should.   Thanks for reading this.   God Bless you if you did!

Be well all,

Ruth

xoxo