Journal

     We realize we know only a little.  God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.  Ask him in your morning meditation whay you can do each day for the man who is still sick.  The answers will come, if your own house is in order.  But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.  See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.  This is the Great Fact for us.

BIGBOOK, p.164

Sobriety for me, is a journey of joyful discovery.  Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance.  I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on.

Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God's grace.

     Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us.......We were trying to find emotional security by dominating or by being dependent upon others......We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.

AS BILL SEES IT, p.252

When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life.....my friends and family, for example.  I always felt isolated and lonely.  I drank to dull emotional pain.

It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem.  First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.

    The deception of other's nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves.......When are we honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God.

AS BILL SEES IT, p.17

When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted to be.  Deceiving others is a character defect.....even if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me.  My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception.  I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous.  A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I've found for honesty with self and with others.