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Alphonsus 
3:56pm, September 18, 2009
I remember growing older
I remember ages five to ten
I remember being slapped on playgrounds
Walking and never knowing when
they would come
Never a place to run
It's what all the teachers call
an awkward age
Well I wish that I
Could find out why
I was
so uncool
And I didn't know
why I was hated so
I never even met them
“It's just the way kids are,” they say
"Grow a spine, wish it away."
I remember growing older
I remember ages twelve to eighteen
I remember waking marked and bloody
And always wishing I could not be seen
by a soul
crawling into a hole
Well its what all the doctors call
an awkward age
and they call them zits
or pimples leaving pits
but then
pain is pain
And the scars it left
and all the marks I've kept
are more than on my face
Into my soul the phrase I'll heap
“Beauty's more than just skin deep”
I remember growing older
I remember being one and forty
I remember her being in the bathtub
with bad pen marks darkly
on her arms
crying over all the harms
Now its what I will choose to call
an awkward age
when her mind did start
to fall apart
and I
grew so strong
And I managed to
do what I had to do
Never mind my own needs
My mighty shoulders may be sore
but I can always take on more
Comments
My mood has been alarmingly stable of late. It has to be the Abilify that is making the difference. More in control. More confident. Less numb. More motivated. This can all only be a good thing, right?
Well, I also feel less compeled to maintain my compulsions, such as Daily Strength. I am thus on hiatus from here. Don't worry. I'm sure it won't last long.
Love,
Alphonsus
UPDATED GOALS
Stay Productive at Work
Progress 60%
Encouragements: 0
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Tired but in a good mood. Muscles sore from excercise.
The Abilify is definately making a difference. I can't remember ever feeling quite like this.
Not sleeping quite as well with it. Oh well. That is a VERY small price to pay.
UPDATED GOALS
Stay Productive at Work
Progress 35%
Encouragements: 0
Add your supportComments
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Wow...that was very powerful.
Rainer
I like it. The last paragraph reminds me of myself having to grow up fast when my mom become profoundly mentally ill, and I had to take care of her and my family as a young child.
mianutzy
I'm sorry you took a nose dive. *hugs*
vegan1978
Very good work...(((HUGS)))
mom2michelle
Excellent writing..straight from your heart, I could feel it. Sorry past days were so tough, but now that you have gotten this out, try to take baby steps to move forward and forget the times that hrt you so... easier said than done, I know..Hugs xx
lilsquirt
Your writing does bring an awful lot back; I was lucky, I had one wonderful friend who survived it with me, someone I could vent to...try not to remain there, too long, if it's painful...the teen years can be so brutal...but also so character-building...hug a teenager today!!!
AzureIndigoSkies
very good writing.. l like it a lot.. I also miss you..
meandthebeast