Journal

well, this is the 1st time i've done this,so it may sound stupid,i sit here on a sunday,i hate sundays cause my inlaws know that it's my husbands day off work, and for the most of the day he sleeps,but then if one one them call, oh my gosh, he up and ready to go, i choice to not be around them anymore,i'm done trying to  make a connection with people who will not give me a chance,and so if he goes to their house then my son and i are here alone,with nothing to do, no money to do anything with,and all my bad thoughts,i just wish i havd some friends, or just 1 friend i could visit with or do things with, or just to talk with on the pc or phone, i feel so alone, and misserable, noone will want anything to do with me anyway most likly, and so life goes on, one day at a time, i so miss my grandaughthers, but even when i lived close to them i didn't get to see them much,i wonder why i even try, life hurts so bad,my heartache is so bad, i struggle daily just to get thought the day without being in tears all the time,i try for my son, he's just 15 and needs a mom around, and so life goes on, wish things were different, and wander if they ever will be,i wonder why my life is like this, i have always tryed so hard to be a good person and good mom and wife, it gets me nothing but grive, gesh, i'm a sad person, i can hear my mother now saying bobbie stop feeling so sorry for your self, but thenat least i feel something, or maybe it would be better to be numb, not feel anything,,,,