smilelyface1234's Journal

  I just joined Daily Strength a few days ago, and i was

welcomed by  another person here named PaulBear, very

nice and helpful with my situation, and will be a great friend

on DS, and i want to Thank Him for this! And to let him know

 anytime he wants to talk i will be here for him also!

    I am here to talk to make friends w/ others that have had similar experiences

 on INFEDELITY! I still after years have pain and distrust for my husband that has

cheated twice in my marriage,and the last  girl was a Fatal Attraction that beat me up, i guess my DREAM of having a Partner to "Love"

and" Trust for Life", has been taken away, and the Trust is the hardest part to

get back, it is like you are running from the law, meaning ...always looking over your

shoulders wandering if  he is going to cheat again! A marriage shouldn't have to be that

way, every marriage has it's ups and downs but that shouldn't give anyone the right

to Cheat. I gave my husband Everything ...Trust, Love, Spontenaity, Friendship, and alot

of Laughter! The first time he cheated was off and on for 8 years at the very

beginning of our marriage with several women, his excuse was he was young when

we got married, and immature and hadn't been with any other women, and vowed

to never do it again, I Was Heart Broken, i Loved him so we stayed together.

Around our 20th Anniversary i found him cheating with a 19 year old and  he was 40,

and on top of that he had other girls #'s he was also trying to get to know. This

killed me knowing that i am still attractive and to feel like i wasn't good enough

being 39 yrs old at the time and my husband was looking into young women around 18-20

years of age! I felt like a failure for Loving and Taking Care of this Man all these

years, i felt like everything i had ever done meant nothing to him for him to betray

me a 2nd time. We did everything together, we were like best friends, we traveled,

we did a business together, etc. I always tried to keep the Marriage Fun, Not boring,

i suprised him with fun things, etc. all throughout the years. The last girl he cheated

with was a FATAL ATTRACTION and she beat me up right after having Sex with

my husband and i was sent to the Hospital for observation all day, she bruised me all up, where i couldn't even clear my sinuses ,it would make my whole body hurt for days! My husband

said she had anger management issues that stemed from her childhood!  And what

hurt the most, her calling me just 2 days after me getting beat up and telling me they

slept togethet again, he admitted it!  Also she thretened me that she wasn't finished with me, so a few weeks later i was almost ran down by a car after getting off work  at an apartment we were living in at the time ,that looked like her. I couldn't tell him about it because i thought they were through with each other and i didn't want him to talk to her again so i kept quiet.  Years later to find out he was still seeing her during that time, made me very angry because i was terrified everytime i came home for the next 3 months, until we moved  because i thought she might be waiting for me! And i had noone there for me,which really hurt! He said he cheated again because i drove him to

because i had little trust over the years for him after he cheated years ago. I really

believe i was not the problem i think he had to have an excuse to justify his actions again.

His Dad cheated on his Mom until the day he passed away, she never did anything but

be a Beautiful person, as i was to him. I am still married but I live day to day wondering

if i made a mistake because i have suck lack of trust getting cheated on twice, it  is

harder to get that trust back. I feel like he blames me for his cheating,

and i want everyone to know don't let anyone say it is your fault, they will try

and make you believe it!  I also just found out about 2 years ago he confessed

to still seeing her for 2-3 months after that day i got beat up, and said he didn't

sleep with her they only made out, yeah right!!! He said she would come by his work

and they would be in the car! I could go on with more stories ,but i Love him, and i

have lost my sense of humor that i am starting to get back, and the fake smiles

becuase i have been so unhappy, and loosing ones self, and trying to get all

that back that someone takes from you when they cheat!! And my lack of trust

and just wanting to have a man that can be Faithful to the end, because i have so

much to offer a man! He does show he Loves me but i have so much pain in my heart

and i guess disrespect for what he has done to my life!  Also after about 3 months we

moved across town to get away from her and moved into a new place and i got Toxic Mold Exposure that has almost ruined my sinuses, they are a little better and hopefully will

get better day by day, but over a year i had many nights that i had to fall asleep sitting

up on the couch because of bad drainage and congestion, and i lost about 80 percent of my sense of smell.

My sense of smell is alot better now, but when allergies are really bad i have some

problems still, i pray everyday i will get better. I blame this on him in my head

because i feel if i wouldn't have moved across town to get away from her

maybe i woudn't be in this situation! Well i guess i better go , hope to hear

from someone that can help me see if there is really ever to getting back that

trust, and can a person  stay faithful after cheating!!! I do believe life is to short

and we do deserve to have happiness with the one we Love, and if they are not

happy and feel the need to cheat they need to seek help before they cross that

line or get out of the marraige before they turn someones life upside down from thier

cheating!