ladysings's Journal

Dear Lord,

I realize I've been in a depressed state for awhile. My sleep is really disturbed and the Lyrica dosage increase as well as my Financial state has put me thru a major storm. For the first time I have hit rock bottom financially since Nov of 2007. I have no more savings or security. I have no more credit. I am truly living on Gods grace and mercy. It's funny though, my blood pressure is great! My muscle spasms and needle/ pins sensations in my legs and arms are at a minimal. My limp is not so harsh looking when I walk. I still get dizzy and feel a little nauses a bit. I have not gone to the pool or gym in weeks. I have been in a daze/ limbo state though. If it wasn't for Jesus love poured for me, my true brother and sisters in Christ, my dear DS friends here(You know who you are), I would not know what to do. Ther is no more Physical Therapy or massage chair anymore, only a lot or doctors appts. The Anger towards my family and fake friends are gone. Thank you Lord. Even thru it all not feeling the Lords presence has been tough. I have learned it has increased my faith in Him. I can trust Him when I can't trace him. People say press thru, I say Praise thru! Tommorow I help volunteer and teach the violin for the first time in the Childrens  Ministry. I trust God will have His way for I am not a teacher and was able to help last month for piano and keyboard instruction. I also was able to pay some friends back funds I borrowed two weeks ago with my last reimbursement check. I'm still not able to pay Aug months rent and finish paying the bankruptcy lawyer. It was humbling to ask my mom for a letter to give social services. She gave me one( I think thats why she has been more verbally abusive than usual). Social services said they needed a owners document(house deed). Mom didn't want to show me that all three homes including the three acred estate in the Bahamas is now in my baby sisters name. I guess it was none of my business and it caused more exposure in areas which she didn't want to share. I know it is her money and she worked very hard for it. Mom is blesssed and can leave her estate to whom ever she wishes.  It was my choice to give up my apt and come home to take care of my brother in 2006. I can't look backwards and I am reminded in Gods word not to do so. I truly must be content in where God has  placed me, to pray and intercede for my family. I know God will make a way for me and when he is ready for me to move and have my own home, He will. It will be a true miracle and blessing.  Thru it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God! I must plan for my future. I do not know what tommorrow may bring , but I do know and trust that the Lord holds my tommoroww in the the palm of his hands!

Smooches,

Lydia