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ShayMarie 
5:27pm, August 24, 2009
I hereby forgive me* I glued it down on that page, I left it with closed eyes, to
remain as a peaceful wisper. But right now my heart needs open eyes and a voice
less weary for this forgiveness. I am peeling those words off of that page and
sticking it in my chest to beat rythmically with my heart. Its for so much more
than a night, more than months of cuts and bruises, and so much more than
years of blacking out from that toxic liquid blocking sanity from reaching my brain.
ENOUGH! Enough poetic metaphors and disguising ugly things with pretty words. Enough shame and guilt on me, I am no saint and I never once claimed to be. I crave love and demand respect, I need help and sometimes to just be left, left alone. Just dont go so far, I might doubt and hide, I need just remember that God is on my side. So say what you want and accuse with your fear, but I am okay, and tonight, I will lay here, continuing a process of living, breathing, and believing I am okay. I am okay.
BELOVED SURVIVOR REST
Comments
Wow, beloved survivor. I was so proud of you today. Did helping the other women also help you? Does it do for you what it does for me? I find myself feeling lighter, so happy, so much more clear in my own concept of the person I am, as if doing this work and reaching out like you did today is a form of sharpening yourself. "I hereby forgive me." You believe it now, I can tell. If you ever need another tattoo...
The courage of the learned cannot be created with clever words; it has to be seized and shaped with blood, sweat, and tears. You have craved love and respect your entire life, you've thirsted and hungered for it in a home that was sometimes an angry desert. I hope the letter you got helped things too; I'd love to know your thoughts (and your mom's). It's okay with me if she decides to share with you what I wrote, of course.
EmpoweredOKC
I really do believe it. It was freeing to write this
ShayMarie
Oh my God, I do that! I do exactly THAT!! I disguise ugly things with poetic metaphors. I aid myself in making it easier to accept with ugly things said pretty ways.
I too crave love. Not the love of my husband, not that KIND of love. I crave the love gleaned from respect, of me, of the PERSON that I AM. My God, I am so sad to know you feel it too Shannon.
I am glad to see you claim what it rightfully your's. And, I am glad that you can claim "Okay", because, in more than one sense, you are okay!
I am glad you have a forum to share, your work with the women, I am glad you have that, and that they have you.
I wish I could pour out of me, what is in my head and in my heart, and help someone I can see, and touch, and know. I am happy you have that.
Love you,
Leitha
mockingbird12