spring0808's Journal

         You know life has a way of making you take notice. I remember when my life was so plain and ordinary. I didn't have a lot of major worries, just the day to day haps and mishaps. and then all of a sudden the rain started and its been raining since. Sure it lets up from time to time but it comes right back  I remember so many things that had happened to me, but no one wanted to talk about it. So you suffered in silence. Its true what they say what goes on in the dark will  soon come to  the light and things that are covered do not heal well. I had things happen and went on with life, fearful but I went on until one thing triggered the opening of all the underlying wounds I had. (You know) the ones I didnt deal with when they happened and I spiraled into depression. I see a psychiatrist. He had me understand that I had to cry , accept that the things happened (acknowledge) and deal with the why, the who actually put the blame where it should be and  validate that it did happen and let it go. Its sad when a child goes to a parent and dont get help. I vowed to make my childrens lives different and I did.  We all get sad from time to time. Sometimes we are blessed to have special people in our lives that love us and care about us and are there with us to see us through. Sometimes we have people around that are blood relatives that wouldnt offer you a cup of water unless it was something in it for them.And sometimes what our hearts ache for, the caring, the love we dont get from the people we want it from but God sends it to us in a different package.So while we are worring, so concerned about what family didn't do or wouldn't do God sends someone who does care, that loves us not because of what we do or dont have  or what that can or cant get or have, they love us for being just plain old ordinary us(you).  I find that my heart get enlightened by the thought of having friends that I now call my adopted sisters. They take time just to ask how are you today..With me the simple things matter most. I met a friend here and I feel we have become closer. She  reads and replies and even though she is going through something her self she takes time to drop a line or two..I love her for that. I know its hard going through all these things and our conditions going up and down but together we can help one another. I dont care if you use curse words to get your point across if that is how you are feeling get it out. I guareentee you'll feel better.Some people need to scream I have, I went outside one day and just screamed after my daughter died and cried and cried. Now I dont do it anymore, I just miss the times when we were together around the holidays cooking, laughing, eating and planning. I realize I can keep the memories but I have to let go of the pain. I want guarentee that if I am still alive this Thanksgiving I wont be sad but I will change the way I look at the situation. She wanted me happy and to move on with my life, its time....I might not have much time left...Daily Strengh has given me a place to vent to read and understand its not just me going through things there are others and together we can help each other...I believe we can...I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined into me,and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praises unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord (Psalms 40 1-3)  The real test of faith is in facing the silence of being on hold. Those are the suspended times of indecision. Have you ever faced those times when your life seemed stagnant? Have you ever felt you were on the verge of something phenomenal, that you were waiting for that particular breakthrough that seemed to be taunting you by making you wait? All of us have faced days that seemed as though God had forgotten us. These are the moments that seem like eternity. These silent coaches take your patience into strenous calisthenics. Patience gets a workout when God's answer is no answer. In other words, God's answer is not always yes or no; sometimes he says Not now!   Be Blessed