spring0808's Journal

  A time when laughter and happiness would fill my home, now sounds like a place left vacant, abandoned as Is my heart. I try from day to day to move on,sometimes I succeed and somedays I fail.I walk into a store to . hear the teenage girls talking about hairstyles and boys and laughing and just enjoying being around one another I seem a mom and daughter that seem so close, the daughter takes her moms arm and snuggle to her giving her  a slight hug.  I miss my child. I miss my child, oh God I miss my child. I know I need to move on and as I said I have set a goal to move forth. The pain, the tears will follow me all the days of my life. I will continue to cope, that is what she would have wanted and so I continue my struggle. No one tells you that losing a child is devastating, they dont tell you you'll surely be as close to insanity as you can possibly be without truely going insane.The battle to fight your way back is an ongoing process that will continue on. I had heard of so many people that are suicidal or have committed suicide. I get it now , you either deal with the pain or it deals with you..I am so lonely. My family only calls when they want me to do something for them.I have decided to volunteer this year at an elementary school. My son and my grand daughter will be in their own place soon and she'll be going to school here. I'll try a couple of hours from 12-2;30 since I will have to pick her up from school for my son. It'll work out. I have found a few really good friends. They just dont communicate as much as I would like but they are going through some rough  things right now. I wanted someone to talk to when I was going through chemo. Then again I was too weak this last time and felt so yulky so maybe they are just trying to deal with it as I did. I guess you dont want to chat when you have nausea and vomiting. I just wish I could some how touch each and everyone of you and remove all the sicknesss,all the sorrow and pain.I wish you all could just snap back and continue to live healthy lives. I cant so I guess I'll continue to pray for you. Prayer does change things.I  am here if you need me. I want to live,  really live. Always know that I care and I am here if you just need to vent.......