spring0808's Journal

I remember once when I had to leave home and go to work in another city. Things were different and times were different. I remember being abused in someone elses home. I had to stay there and I had to send most of my money back to help my mom pay the bills. I remember having my step dad there and he didnt pay for anything. Can you imagine wanting a man so badly that you put his needs and issues before your children. My mom did. When I tried to talk to her and tell her I needed to come home and what had happened, she was more concened about the money than me. I vowed that same day to never put any man before my children. No man, no one before God anf my babies. I find it hard to deal with a lot of things in my life because of my issues, but if you just took the time to listen and really hear what I have to say you would find that I am a good person and I have a caring heart. I found that if sometimes you look past the pain you see in other people faces and there attitudes you will find a good friend. We all have issues and we all need love. I have again allowed some one to tell me what I should and shouldnt do. I think I have missed out on a wonderful blessing. I may or may not but truely I feel what God has for me is for me, NO ONE can take it away. The most wonderful thing that could happen to me at this point in my life is to remain healthy and continue to be able to pay my bills. I have never wanted to be rich, never. I just want to be able to maintain what I have. I learned from my grandma to can, freeze and put back. This change in things lately has thrown me for a loop. I have a son in college and have helped my oldest, putting myself in debt but if I ever get past this I will be okay. I want to be healthy. Ater my chemo last year and surgery in Oct. I feel I shouldnt ask God for more but I would like to be healthy(remain).God is good to us all. Lets take some time and spread the goodness and the love