spring0808's Journal

This weekend has definetly been one of mixed emotions. I lost my daughter to cancer it will be 5 years on June 2. I have times when her loss causes me to be reliving the pain that I have been suffering. Sometimes things seem to be okay but other times I am so sad and I hurt just like it just happened. I prayed to God to give me a daughter so that I could be a good mother to my child, something that I didnt have. I planned after graduation to keep our special dinner dates and continue to be there for her.She had to go and my heart still hurts.Someone has entered into my life that I have adopted as a daughter and maybe I can make plans with her and be a part of her like. She is very special to me as well. I guess that it will always hurt. Sometimes I feel like I am having a panic attack. Dear God keep me strong where I am weak and sane when I am mentally on the verge of tumbling over. I had all my nieces over for Mothers Day, It made the day a little better. My oldest son didnt even call to say Happy Mothers Day. Its okay. What I have done is just that DONE. I dont plan to carry him on my back anymore. God has blessed me with Misrak and Carol and I hold them close to my heart....Things will get better