littlemisswhoops's Journal

Ok so its my first jornal entry...and I have had a crap day! It has gone from extream to extream and I am know starting to wonder whether someone up there has something against me!!!

 It started with me forgeting my bus pass...i really need to wear the damb thing round my neck-i am forever loosing it and never have it when i need it!!! I got to college and the first lesson i spent 1-1 with my support assistant whilst the rest of the class went to the libary and that was ok we had a good chat and got some work done! At break time i managed to eat a breakfast bar because i was worried that i was going to pass out which wouldnt of been cleaver!

Second lesson the real problems started...i dont get on well with my teacher for that lesson (unfortunatly i had her for 3hrs straight today) she doesnt understand about dyspraxia or visual impairment as many as i have explained to her and so have my support staff!!!...There was nothing that i could do in the lesson because i couldnt see anythink...Great! then the class start talking which really stressed me out becuase i cant make sense of all the nosies and get really easily distracted! it got to about 1hr into the lesson and i lost it completly and started taking my anger out on the table and my arms...my support assistant pulled me out of the class to calm down befor i did something silly because i was so fustrated!!!

At lunch all my friends were sat eating and as usual i wasnt...only 3 of my friends at college know about my ED...one of the girls turned round and said to me ''why aren't you eating'' i said ''oh im just no hugry'' (feeling ever so guilty for lying to her) then she said ''are you anorexic because im really starting to think you are'' i was crying inside that she had picked up on it becuase i didnt want people to know although i havent addmitted to her that i am anorexic yet! i just dont want her fussing about it or anything!!!

After lunch i had the 2nd part of my 3hr lesson...my support assistant had found me a room and i went there to do my work but then loads of lads came in and were really noisy so once again i couldnt get anything done and got really fustrated!!!! 

Break came and one of the guys that sits with us pissed me right off and kept prodin n pokin at me and then was like why are you so grumpey whats up so i stood up and told him that he has no idea of whats going on in my life and that he never will and to fuk off and leave me alone...then i walked off to get some fresh air and calm down!! luckily last lesson wasnt to eventful and got a good 20mins worth of work done!!! :D 

when i got home world war 3 was kiking off and my mum was in a foul mood so i went to my room and sat and listend to my music and tried to do some work but it was to hard so i text my friend asking her if she could either come online or pop round and help me but as usual she was with her bf- i could of really done with a hug from her and talking to her baout what had happend today.

At about 10pm my friend came on and it made my day becuase i hadnt spoke to him for ages and ages...unfortunatly he was the bearer of bad news...a guy that i knew quite well and went camping with had died suddenly during the night for no obvious reason!! i was gutted and shocked and burst into tears! i told my best friend thinking that she may give me a bit of support and all that but instead she told me that she has had enough and wants to give up (she also has a fair few probs like dipression)!!! so know my day has gon completly shite and im glad that in 2mins its a new day (well in the UK anyway) and i can start again!!! 

I think i have felt every negative feeling possible today..and a few happy ones but now im greaving to and shit scared bout what my friend is gonna do!!! i really really want to ring my friend and talk to her but its 12 in the morning and she is on a early shift at the hospital in the morning...just have to hope i see her tomoz when she goes to st john!!! I wish i was a hedgehog and could roll up in a ball and hide from all the bad things that are happning atm! i dont no what to think or feel or do!!! i have well and truely had enough and want to start again or become Dr. Who and time travel back 4yrs befor any of these probs started!!!

 I soooooo hope today is going to be a better day!!!...ok rant over...

 Nitey nite...well if your in the UK anyway!!

Little Miss Whoops 

xxxx