AngeGirl2007's Journal

Angel would have been a year old tomorrow. How fast the time has gone. Sunday night I went over to the home of a dear friend from high school. She is the one who did my tattoo of the cross with the autism ribbon. She gave me another tattoo; the angel baby sleeping in the hands of God. Most of you know this--I posted the picture here.

The funny thing about this is before Jennifer did my tattoo I was dreading what should have been Angel's first birthday. All of the feelings--the sadness, the anger, the overall depression and despair just seemed to hang over me. Jennifer told me she had put off doing the tattoo because she wanted to make sure it was something I really wanted and that it wasn't just the grief talking. And I thanked her. Maybe if I'd have had it done sooner I might have come to regret it, I don't really know. What I do know is that now that it's there, on my right shoulder blade, I  feel a strange, overwhelming sense of peace.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it. And it probably makes no sense because it's just an image of what is now my baby in ink and wash etched forever beneath my skin. Yet I feel like Angel is telling me that it's okay for me to continue on, to move forward. I feel as though she is giving me her blessing to live my life because she is with me now in a way that can never be taken from me. For whatever the reasons may have been, I was unable to carry her as I did her sister and brothers. But now I carry her always. Actually, it is more that she is carrying me. Now I really do have an angel on my shoulder...MY Angel!