AngeGirl2007's Journal

1 May 2008

How are you, Angel Doll?

It is already the first day of May. I would be in the beginning of my third trimester. Right about now my tummy would be growing larger and firmer. You would be moving stronger and more frequent to where I would be losing sleep at night. You would be more than visible as I sit or stand or walk and I would be proudly posing for a side view picture. As I would stand smiling I would be telling the person holding the camera, "She's waving! Really, she is!" My back would be aching, my feet would be swollen, and I would more than likely  be dealing with "light-up-the city-of-Toledo" heartburn. I would be so tired from the lack of sleep and any chance for naps would be snatched up.

I would also be so happy. I would be choosing a baby book, if one hadn't already been decided upon. I would be buying clothes for you, little sleepers and onesies and some tiny little booties, and from there I'd be making the choice of what to dress you in when it was time to come home. I would be looking at cribs and swings and little bouncy seats for you to be in while I go about my day. I would be looking at a special little toy, maybe a bear or a lamb that would sleep beside you in your bed at night. I would be dreaming of holding you and rocking you as I did your brothers and sister. I would be singing the songs that I sang to them as babies--"The Trolley Song," "Meet Me In St. Louis,"  "Rockabye Your Baby (With A Dixie Melody),"  and one of my own favorites as a child "Over The Rainbow." These were all sung by a beautiful lady named Judy Garland; your grandma played these songs when she was carrying me and I played these songs when I carried your siblings. I gladly would have done the same for you, my angel girl.

These days I think of you so very much. I would be in my seventh month of pregnancy now. I would be due in two months--July 17--on your brother Zach's birthday. I think of all the hopes and dreams that left with you. I think of the things that I'd be doing now to prepare for your arrival. When I close my eyes I can see your precious little face and smell your scent, like powder. Then I open my eyes and I look down and see that my tummy has not grown, that it remains painfully empty and I lose you all over again.

I will blow you a kiss with the prayer that the wings of the angels will carry it to you and place it upon your sweet little cheek. I miss you. "Con tu adios, te llevas mi corazon"--with your goodbye, you take with you my heart. A piece of me died the morning you slipped from me.

I love you forever and a day, Angel Doll!

Momma

xoxoxo