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bluelightreflections 
i am writing this right now with a very annoying kitty on my lap, mewling sporadically every few seconds. Bothersome feline. Sweet though, i relent.
hmm. very scared about going back to school. I've done absolutely nothing these holidays, resorting to some crude and dull routine which consists of purely sleeping, eating, reading and watching tv. I'm going into year 11 nxt year, so i know i will have to cut down on the tv...cause it really is turning everything i learnt last year into question marks and dust bunnies. My sister just left year 12...it seems as though i will be ever dwarfed by her shadow. It seems she has everything...you know...ultra-pretty, guys slobbering after her, hell smart- passed TEE with flying colours; ninety-nine point something. Jeez.
I hate walking up to school. Last year, I always took the longer route up to my lockers just to avoid walking past the office of some teacher i had years before. I have a definite phobia of past tutors. I just didn't want them to see what i've become. Every time i, by chance, meet their eye, i just want to die. Or disappear, at least.
And of course, there's everyone else. Please, please, don't look at me.
All my friends are so beautiful. Maybe i shouldn't, but i can't help always noticing the huge contrast and asking myself how the fuck people like them can stand putting up with people like me. I'm very dull, believe me. I get tongue tied all the time (similar to Martin in finding Nemo at the start. yes, yes. "Is she really referring to puerile children's movies?"). It's so much easier to write than to talk. Maybe i should walk around with a little pad and pencil and write all my sentences before i say them. heh.
I feel so grateful to everyone that's made me feel accepted, and ok. It's good to know i'm not alone. *bluelightreflections smiles a small smile*
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Round Here--counting crows)
"step out the front door like a ghost into the fog,
where no one notices the contrast of white on white
and in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
i walk in the air between the rain, through myself and back again
Where? I don't know."
