Today
I had my test done this morning. Everything went well. It will be a while yet before they know for sure …
Join Now
This has taken me a couple days to write as I just cannot believe I am back to this place. I cannot believe I have to start over again. Friday was payday and I got called into the payroll office where the payroll lady proceded to tell me that my paycheck was levyed by the IRS. My ex husband had defaulted on our payment to the IRS and they came after me.. I was devastated. Lack of money as ironic as it seems has always been my number one trigger. I immediately left work and went straight to the slot machines where I lost every single penny i have to my name. I am ashamed of myself - I never wanted to be back to this place again. I cannot shake my depression. My son turned 18 yesterday and it was all I could do to put on a semi happy face and try to enjoy his day with him. I have no money - i have a little bit of gas in my gas tank to get to work tomorrow. I really do not know what I am going to do. I contacted my ex husband to see if he can help me out and of course he says he is broke. It is a beautiful day out and all I can do is sit on my couch and cry. I thought I was getting better, but I don't know if I will ever be better. I hate this disease for what it has done for me and my family. I am trying to get in the right frame of my mind as I have to get up and go to work tomorrow and get my act together. I have to pull myself together for my children as I know they know something is wrong. So, today I start over and today I will not gamble
Comments
You might also like ...
Okay - today is good and I am feeling …
Okay - today is good and I am feeling pretty good. Slept last night and took my first medication of Trileptal and …
In light of all that is happening, …
In light of all that is happening, I now have to worry about our business. My husband has decided that he needs to …
i to am at this same place, i was in jeopardy of having my electric shut off and other things like that so i gave into that ugly shameful monster last night and i to am back at the beginning and i to am very depressed so i totally understand where you are and i hope that maybe this is the new start that we both need, maybe we can do this together, there is always hope. take care and rememeber for today i wll not gamble. i am going to keep saying that to myself until i get it right. i was on day 7 and i was proud of myslef and i really liked that feeling so much more so i am going to try to get that feeling back instead of this bad one. take care and we are all with you in spirit.
hugs t
monkey2me
Crissy, I'm so sorry to here the IRS got you. That's just so awful! And to top it all off it sent you back out there. My heart is breaking for you :( Keep repeating that beautiful prayer, the Serenity Prayer. You can change the fact that you have urges to gamble by not giving in to them. I know it sounds hard to do, but once you wrap your mind around the fact that you cannot gamble like "normal" people because you are a compulsive gambler, it will get easier. Not one penny...you can't gamble...I can't gamble...it's not so terrible...it's just that when we gamble we don't know or care about when to stop...it's an addiction. I hope you'll be okay, the kids need you, Crissy. Keep coming back here, we'll form a circle of love around you. Life can be good. Sending you strength & Love, Robin
Moyer
Oh Chrissy huge ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you right now. You just remember that you are not alone in this. I know exactly how you feel. It is just so damn hard sometimes. But you can get better, and you will! Have faith in yourself. I wish I could do or say something to help, just know that I am here for you. Trying to send you some extra strength today :) Gretchen
purplecat
Crissy, I'm so so sorry that this has happened to you. It just goes to show that we are never cured. I wished I could help you in some way. All I can offer is my love, strength and shoulder to lean on. You can over come this set back, just like you did before. I know it's going to be hard and the money will be tight, but you can do this. You are in my prayers!! Peace and all my love. Patty
mrsfroggie
You are not alone in beating this monster. He an evil one. I am very sorry for the pain you are going though right now. I know the pain it can be overwheming. Hang in there. Melissa
nicky42
I understand how you feel...I once got a very ugly letter from a bank because my ex had defaulted on a debt that was supposed to become "his responsibility" in our divorce....so sorry this happened...I am still just one step ahead of disaster with the IRS myself, continuing to fight for survival...
My thoughts and prayers are with you....and things will get better....like you, I have had to start again over and over...if this were easy to beat, we wouldn't be "addicts"!!!!
Like Melissa says....hang in there....your friends are here with you.....Hugs, Dianne
DianneE
My dear friend Crissy. I have been where you are - I totally understand the confusion and the pain. I know what it is like to be blindsided once again by this addiction.
This disease is not fair - it is what it is. I know it is hard to start again after how far you have come in recovery - this is a bump, a huge bump and a hard one to get up from but you can - you have shown strength and determination in your life journey with other challenges you have faced. This will not be easy but you can do it again. My number one piece of advice to you would be to connect yourself. Whether that be for you a face to face meeting at a GA near you or logging on to DS daily - or a combination of both, whatever it takes.
I know you can do this - come and join me , remember you are not alone - hugs and much love to you Suzi
Auzgurl
Hi Chrissy, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. You are definitely not alone in going through a relapse. Many of us have been there, I myself on Friday. I had seventysome days GF, and I am now back to the beginning. Use this as an experience to look at your recovery program and find where you need to make some changes. This is what I am doing. I too spent every penny to my name and the financial aspect of it is crushing I know. But it is over and done with, we cannot change it. What we can do is move on from here, more determined than ever.
Hugs,Julie
searchingfor
Hi Chrissy
Such a familiar story.
None of us are immune from this addiction,no matter how long we stay away from it.
I know that desparate feeling of trying to make it right. Trying to make some extra money and only making things a whole lot worse.
My heart is bleeding for you right now.
I will send out a prayer to help you get over the horrible feelings and move on past this.
You are going to get through this as you have in the past.
We are all here for you at ds so keep coming back
xx
Alison
alzie2
Hi Chrissy
Such a familiar story.
None of us are immune from this addiction,no matter how long we stay away from it.
I know that desparate feeling of trying to make it right. Trying to make some extra money and only making things a whole lot worse.
My heart is bleeding for you right now.
I will send out a prayer to help you get over the horrible feelings and move on past this.
You are going to get through this as you have in the past.
We are all here for you at ds so keep coming back
xx
Alison
alzie2
Chrissy,
I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you; it is such a crazy thing; this addiction. You can get through it . . you have done it before and it's just a bump in the road. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have supported all of us on the site when we have been down. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong and if we do the right thing, everything will get better and fall into place.
Take care,
Smokeygirl
smokeygirl