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DianneE 
5:03pm, May 29, 2009
Sunday night....gamble free.
I have some big bills coming up in a couple of weeks, so it is crunch time for me right now. I am still overcoming the devastation gambling created in my life. If I can scrape the money together, I will turn another corner in my financial recovery. My financial recovery is just one outer face of my inner spiritual recovery....which is by far, more important.
Step by baby step....one day at a time.
The power in those little "slogans" is immense!
I have to accept where I am now, and accept that a little bit of progress is better than NO progress.
When I was gambling, one of the "excuses" I used to keep doing it was that I was so far down, what difference did it make if I kept doing it a while longer.....if I couldn't repair the damage quickly, why bother starting!!!
Being willing to take that next little step on the right path means that I'll continue to climb out of the swamp and be in a healthier place. Hanging around in that swamp made me sicker and sicker and would have killed everything good in me if I had chosen to remain there!
Thanks to the people here, I have been able to stay on the path since 1-1-08. I am so grateful you are here, and that you continue to read and comment on my journals. It is the sense of community and caring I have found here that has made my recovery possible.
Love to you all!!! xoxoxo
Dianne
Comments
WTG on the soon to be 1 year and 10 month anniversary. I like the baby step and one day at a time 'slogans' as well - keeps me focused on the 'now' and the 'just do the next thing.' I had the same 'what difference does it make' mindset, I think that is a link (or several) in every addicts chain.
I was cutting down trees, tree limbs, and vines (some with thorns and someout), over the weekend. those vines... OMG, they are brutal... like any addiction... they start small, then they grow upward and downward. They wind their thru the chainlink fence, then up the side of the tree, and interweave theirself in the branches of the tree limbs. Under the ground they travel the roots going deep, some shooting up new vines they wind thru the fence and upward into the trees. As I was cutting the vines and pulling them down, some hard large thorns on them, my arms and legs were cut up something terrible. But I kept clearing the vines. Once I had the vines down, I noticed the smaller trees the vines had wrapped theirselves around were brittle dead trees. Their life choked right out of them.
Your 'hanging round that swamp' analogy made me think of the yard work I experienced yesterday and those poor unsuspecting trees. Addictions are like a life stangling affair, which sooner or later does 'kill everything good' in a person if they chose to remain there.
Thanks for the reflective je. XXOO to you this wonderful Monday morning. debs
JordansMomDebby
Hi Diane,
"Hanging around in that swamp made me sicker and sicker and would have killed everything good in me if I had chosen to remain there!", ditto, for me. The most important factor I've achieved in my recovery, is gratitude. Not only for the good & wonderful things in my life, but for the good & wonderful things in everybody life, too. What a warm & caring feeling that is, a human relief that can't be bought. My heart is open to change, that's a big one, too. I thought I was an open minded person, but since I quit gambling, and embraced recovery, I'm realizing I was hard on others, and even harder on myself. No expectations of others anymore, another human relief that money can't buy.
Thank you for being here, we continue to need each others support, and I am grateful..
Love, Robin
Moyer
Smiles all over my face for you! xoxo Sandie
Sandie000
Another wonderful journal Dianne....so proud to be in recovery alongside you. Your grace and compassion are contagious at times. I admit that I have had inner struggles and a lot of undue stress lately....always so inspiring to see someone actively working recovery....even when things get tough. I, too, have remained in debt due to gambling for a couple years now....money may not get paid back quickly, but it will get paid back. Hope your week is going well :)
purplecat
Hi Diane, Good to hear from you. You have worked so hard on your recovery, and us being CG's of course want things to happen faster than Gods plan. I too am still working on my old gambling debts, seems like I keep plugging away at them,, they just don't go away as quickly as I would like- but they are getting smaller- just not fast enough for me. LOL.
The swamp analogy is a great one, a slimy environment full of dangerous critters just lurking, waiting for their time to get you in their grips.
No more swamping for me!!
loosenomore
"Climbing out of the swamp" What a powerful analogy that is.... that is just what it feels like. I too couldn't have this with out you and the others. I think that is why DS works the way it does, when you find someone that understands you, are able to accomplish just about anything... You have worked so hard at your recovery and it shows, if even slowly. Thank you too. Peace and Love. Patty
mrsfroggie
Hey ''Hoots Dianne... ''Swamp eh ?..
You remember the ''saying''which I love:
It's pretty hard to drain the swamp when you up to your 'arse in Alligators.. lmao..
'WTg expressing.. ''
I personally wore hip wader for quite awhile. lol
''love yah 'keep 'forging 'ahead in ''Baby steps..Amen .. Long leaps cause muscles 'to 'go ouch..lol
Sandra..
gams5
Dianne -- its been a couple of weeks since this JE, hopefully you have made it thru your crunch time unscathed. Keep climbing and inspiring....
SheliaMac