aphroditexlt's Journal

So I was thinking on my way into work this morning that I don't really remember how or when I became addicted to nicotine.   I started smoking socially in college.  Back then, a pack of cigarettes would last me two weeks!  Wow - those were the days!  Even after college, I started to smoke only socially but a little heavier even though that was the only time I smoked.  It seemed the only way to go was a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. 

Then I started my new job in Buffalo - I was still smoking socially but gradually started smoking once a day with the "smokers" at work.  Then it grew to twice a day and then three times a day..

Next, I was pregnant and I quit for that.  When I look back, it was easy to quit then because I had a reason not to smoke.  When my daughter was 2 weeks old, I got very stressed out and went out on the porch at my parents house and started smoking again.  Bad decision!

I started another new job and you never know a new place's rules on smoking breaks so I didn't smoke and I was back to smoking socially.  Then I left that job and started where I am now.  Here, smoking comes second-hand (no pun intended!! haha).   If you don't smoke, you're more of an outcast!  The people here go down for a cigarette every hour on the hour and sometimes smoke two each time they go.  I went from 2-3 a day to over half a pack.. sometimes even a pack.  About a year ago, I started having a terrible cough - the dreaded smoker's cough.  I haven't been able to kick it despite medications, etc.  I know it comes right back to the smoking. 

I quit last spring, but then found out I had the beginning stages of cervical cancer.  The stress was just too much to deal with.. I started back up and heavier than I ever was before.

I tried to quit a year ago and lasted about 3 weeks and I've tried here and there in between, with no luck.  This time, my fiance is doing it with me and I have every faith that I can do it.. I want to make it to 3 weeks again, 1 month, 6 months, 365 days!

I also gave myself a bit of an incentive.  Seeing that I'm getting married in the fall, I've decided that all the money I save from not buying cigarettes will go into the wedding fund!!