At my end
July 22, 2009 11:30pm
This is it. I have had it. No more hope for me. Have to find a way to do it that will make it final.
Progress
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Jessi79
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About Me
Jessi79
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About Me
I am a student in college and I am currently thinking about going into social work. Since I lost my brother in a car accident 13 years ago I have been very depressed. I like to help people with teir problems more than solving mine. My parents divorsed when I was 10 or 11. I had to move from one parent's to the other evry month. Not a way for a 6th grader to live. Felt like I had no real home. Got abused by my mother's live in Boyfriend. Later he turned into my step father. My dad remarried the July after I graduated from High School. I like her but I do not feel like I can talk to her. I cannot even talk to my father anymore. He hates it when I tell him how I feel. I try but he changes the subject and he has been there through it all with me. My friends are not true friends. They do not help me with my problems. They just pop up when they need something or they want something from me. I get used a lot. I ask to see and talk with them and when I get there they forgot to tell me that I wasn't important enough so they made other plans while I was enroute. Mind you that it was a 45minute trip on the expressway. I believe i am not important and I hate myself all the time.
I am a student in college and I am currently thinking about going into social work. Since I lost my brother in a car accident 13 years ago I have been very depressed. I like to help people with teir problems more than solving mine. My parents divorsed when I was 10 or 11. I had to move from one parent's to the other evry month. Not a way for a 6th grader to live. Felt like I had no real home. Got abused by my mother's live in Boyfriend. Later he turned into my step father. My dad remarried the July
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Interests
I like to help people out of difficult situations.
I like to help people out of difficult situations.
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Hopeless
March 26, 2009 6:51pm
I have to sit in pure agony now until the end of May. The damn psychiatrist did not get his little report done. I am sick of all this …
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It may take awhile to succeed but it will happen, eventually.
February 7, 2009 11:30pm
Here goes. Life sucks as usual. I have tried yet again to die. Did not work obviously. But one day it will. I am hoping …
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Journal Entry for January 19, 2009
January 19, 2009 9:53pm
I read on the internet what claiming not guilty and not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect. It says i am claiming I am insane or …
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Want to die
December 31, 2008 6:55pm
I feel so dead inside. No one willing to help me except people here on Ds. Not sure what to do anymore.
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Hugbook
Hug
Jessi, I am truly not sure if I can help. I work in the funeral industry and come into daily contact with those who have lost a loved one. I am offering to you my ear, my experiences and as a suffer of depression and also one who lost someone so close to me I would love for you to give me the opportunity to be a friend and guide you the best I can. I am asking you not to give up on your life, but am offering a hand for you to hold and squeeze the crap out of if that's what it takes!!! Much sympathy for your pain and anguish inside! Big Hugs!
Shout Out
Hellooooo -- there are people here that are concerned as a result of your suicide plan thread...... Could you please update as soon as you can? thanks {{{{hugs}}}}
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Moment of Peace
You still around?
I’m With You
please dont harm yourself i know how you feel, lots of people on here do. We are here to help each other get through. hugs
Hug
I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I've always found that helping other people gives me strength. I know it's not easy to find a "real" friend. I was in my 40s before I found one like that. I hope and pray that you can get through this time without hurting yourself. You have a lot to offer and there are so many people who could use a friend like you. Take care
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI am so depressed that recently all I think about is hurting myself. I want help!
Treatments
- Celexa Not Working
- Did not work
- Cymbalta Not Working
- Did not help pain or depression
- Effexor Not Working
- Do not really remember
- Electroconvulsive therapy Somewhat Helpful
- It worked for a short time. Would do again. Lost some of my memory but it is coming back.
- Geodon Not Working
- Made me manic. Not fun. Fell really hard after Christmas.
- Lexapro Not Working
- Made me more suicidal so i stopped.
- Paxil Not Working
- Tried but failed.
- Prozac Not Working
- I found out I am allergic to it.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Sometimes it helps but not when I am in a crisis. My therapist wants me to check in the hospital whenever I am in a crisis. So I stopped calling her and I call a crisis line and they just call the cops.
- Seroquel Not Working
- Caused my diabettes.
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- They just tell me to pull myself up and they actually hinder me more than they help.
- Trazodone Somewhat Helpful
- Helps me sleep sometimes. Need a stronger dose.
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- Found out I was allergic. Had two grand mal siezures on this drug. Good thing I was in the hospital when it happened.
Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a SiblingMy brother and his girlfriend were killed in a tragic car accident back in 1994. They were hit broad side by a semi. His brakes locked when he slamed on them and he swerved into the path of the semi-truck.
Treatments
- Crying Not Working
- I feel like the crying does not get rid of the painful feelings I have.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- I have tried talking about my brother but it does not feel as if the therapists I have had understand what I am going through. They send me to psychiatrists that say I have BPD because of the way I grieve and try to figure out my feelings. They do not want to help because they do not understand.
- Plendil Working / Worked
- They did not work because the doctors were trying to cover up the feelings I was happening.
Open Sports Injuries
Type: Rotator Cuff InjuriesMy left shoulder has been bothering me for quit a long time. In April I went to an urget care because it hurt so bad. They gave me a referal and I was scared to make the appointment. In May I finally went in and had a second Cortizone shot because the one my regular do did didn't help. Now it is Sept. and my orthopedic doc wants to do surgery for a torn tendon.
Treatments
- Heat Somewhat Helpful
- Takes my mind off of the pain. Does not really help the pain but it gets hot so I focus on it more.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
My mother's live-in boyfriend pulled me off of a bed onto a cement floor just covered with a thin layer of carpeting. My mother denies it completely but my father now tells me that there were some unexplained bruises on my back. I was also at a county mental health facility and a man came in my room at night and pulled his pants down and got on top of me. This was a patient that did that. The last abuse case would be an ex who pulled guns on me all the time.
Treatments
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Groups
