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Atay 
8:03pm, July 20, 2009
Although I'm not feeling quite so horrible as this now, I had a freak out today. My daughter said she was fat. She started to cry and said she hated her fat stomach. I didn't know what to do. I froze in fear. My daughter is 8 years old. That's only 8 years on this god damn planet and she is crying because she "feels fat?" Waves of emotion flud me. Angry at myself because I "did this to her." Angry at myself because I can't protect her. Angry at myself because I can't fix this madness. Sad, very very very sad that she chose this particular way to feel bad about herself as a person. First of all, she's not fat at all! Not that that is even the issue! I wouldn't give a shit if she was 6000lbs and healthy and happy or if she was .25lbs and healthy and happy. I know I can't protect her from pain and I know that we (women in particular) take the body-image/weight/food & emotional hunger route to express our deeper issues....but because I know this hell, I would rather she become a drug addict or ANYTHING else other than have to deal with this shit!
It has got to be so hard to make sense of all of this at that age. The messages are clear----thin is in. There is also an incredibly over abundant supply of chemicalized lard foods that are cheap and packaged pretty and are made to cause physical cravings on one's palette after eating just one bite! It's all too crazy. When my daughter brings her lunch to school, she has the "health food" lunch, and it isn't even THAT healthy! It's tuna fish on wheat, an apple, carrot sticks, nuts or homemade jerky. I'll throw in a juice or some crackers or something else that's a treat once in awhile. But, I'm off the subject because I am on freak out mode right at the moment.
As I write, I calm down and I remember that I CAN do something about this. It is the same way I can make changes everywhere......all I have to do is take care of myself. I forget I am her mother and my beliefs and actions are her guidance. As long as I learn to love myself and be honest and clear and treat myself with kindness, then I can offer it as well. Breathe! There, I feel better! Ugh!
So, it's sunny, and in the low 70s today. An amazing spring day. We have got a break from the rains and I am curled up in my dark house while my daughter is at a friends' house. I am needing a nap before I go out and plant some seeds. I am so sad.
It has got to be so hard to make sense of all of this at that age. The messages are clear----thin is in. There is also an incredibly over abundant supply of chemicalized lard foods that are cheap and packaged pretty and are made to cause physical cravings on one's palette after eating just one bite! It's all too crazy. When my daughter brings her lunch to school, she has the "health food" lunch, and it isn't even THAT healthy! It's tuna fish on wheat, an apple, carrot sticks, nuts or homemade jerky. I'll throw in a juice or some crackers or something else that's a treat once in awhile. But, I'm off the subject because I am on freak out mode right at the moment.
As I write, I calm down and I remember that I CAN do something about this. It is the same way I can make changes everywhere......all I have to do is take care of myself. I forget I am her mother and my beliefs and actions are her guidance. As long as I learn to love myself and be honest and clear and treat myself with kindness, then I can offer it as well. Breathe! There, I feel better! Ugh!
So, it's sunny, and in the low 70s today. An amazing spring day. We have got a break from the rains and I am curled up in my dark house while my daughter is at a friends' house. I am needing a nap before I go out and plant some seeds. I am so sad.
Comments
hey there. i don't have any kids so i have no idea what you are going through, but i am sorry!! please, don't blame yourself for this. there are many, many factors in the culture that we live in that cause us to become obsessed with our weight. the good news is that you know the dangers of this kind of thinking, and that you have come to grips with your own eating issues. you have the power to speak honestly about ED with your daughter, and be a positive rolemodel on the subject. you are not a lost cause, and neither is your daughter- you are both worth fighting for!! i'm thinking of you....
Future7
I'm going to be brutally honest here, as I think you will appreciate that more than me telling you what you "want" to hear.
The older I get, the more I realize that we become carbon copies of our parents as we age. I swore I would never be like my mom, however, now that I'm in my early 30s, I'm finding it hard to find personality traits, ethics, morals and behaviour that I CAN'T attribute to my parents. The best advice I have for you is: if you don't want your daughter to obsess over her weight, you have to stop obsessing about yours. She sees you - a rather slender, fit woman - secretly obsessing, binging and worrying about a few pounds, and -whether or not you say a word to her - she will pick up on it. Since you are NOT fat, but think you are, she will redefine her body to meet your standards. And we both know that's not good at this point. That is the best gift AND protection you can give your daughter - a healthy attitude towards fitness, nutrition and body image. And the only way you can do that is to have one yourself. Don't feel angry or sad. Start fighting for yourself and you will pass that on to your daughter. ^_^
PS I was also 8 years old when the boys first started calling me "fat". (They pick an adjective for every little girl, you are either ugly, fat, or stupid. And then we tend to define ourselves as that for years to come. Wonderful, isn't it?) When that happened to me, I thought the only thing that could be defined as fat about me was my stomach. When I asked my mom, she told me that all women have a little bit of a tummy, and that it is normal for women to have that, so that ended THAT discussion for me. I hope that helps.)
taraleegrant