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Atay 
8:03pm, July 20, 2009
My food choices were not too bad today. I did a lot of hurried eating. (I forget why I do that......what does eating so half-awake and quickly do for me?)
I have been taking my vitamins fairly regularly and drinking the water. This has proven to be successful in diminishing the migraine frequencies.
I did not go to the gym today. I also notice I signed up to take an intense training to be a certified teacher for a class and yet, some how, my payment didn't go through. I signed up, but didn't put my credit card payment in. Do I really want to do this? Is this too much pressure for me? Can I use this as a fun/healthy goal or is this not a good thing for me to do right now? You see, it's such a paradox for me. I won't go to the gym unless I teach. I will be depressed if I don't exercise. I don't want to focus on my body, yet I'm in a place where that's what people do (look at me) and focus on my body. That right there is so much pressure. Yet I find it so gratifying to be able to help people. I am also very good at what I do. But, I wonder???? That's why I am keeping my clientele down and only doing a few classes. Maybe I need to let go of the training. Maybe it's a reason for me to be anxious. Maybe I'll be ready for it at a different time when I'm not so stressed and having such a hard time. Yep, that sounds good. i think. I'll know more tomorrow!
I have been taking my vitamins fairly regularly and drinking the water. This has proven to be successful in diminishing the migraine frequencies.
I did not go to the gym today. I also notice I signed up to take an intense training to be a certified teacher for a class and yet, some how, my payment didn't go through. I signed up, but didn't put my credit card payment in. Do I really want to do this? Is this too much pressure for me? Can I use this as a fun/healthy goal or is this not a good thing for me to do right now? You see, it's such a paradox for me. I won't go to the gym unless I teach. I will be depressed if I don't exercise. I don't want to focus on my body, yet I'm in a place where that's what people do (look at me) and focus on my body. That right there is so much pressure. Yet I find it so gratifying to be able to help people. I am also very good at what I do. But, I wonder???? That's why I am keeping my clientele down and only doing a few classes. Maybe I need to let go of the training. Maybe it's a reason for me to be anxious. Maybe I'll be ready for it at a different time when I'm not so stressed and having such a hard time. Yep, that sounds good. i think. I'll know more tomorrow!
Comments
It sounds like it's not the right time for you. It certainly isn't now or never. Maybe your path is changing a bit. You are evolving in many ways--it's okay to go with the flow. You push yourself so hard. (are you type A?--duh right) Stop pushing and go with something that feels fun and will benefit you somehow. It isn't training or no training. Maybe you could market yourself to a different population. Hook up with a Physical Therapist or something. We have a gym here that is tiny and one-on-one training. They always show the commercials--by the way the trainers are not perfect. You would probably love that. It is so personal and more about health than that crazy obsessive sculpting of the body. Basically the gym is like a Curves only good. (no offense to curves lovers) Maybe you could just do something for fun ever take knitting or pottery. I bet that would be good for you and maybe you could do it with Sara? (I hope I spelled her name correctly-I'll check) I just hear you struggling which means something isn't quite right. I hope I didn't just go on a tangent. I know sometimes I can react like a man--try to problem solve things. That's just me being supportive.
mpt
hey there...i am glad you have been doing so well w/your ED. and you are right not to rush yourself. you have all of the time in the world to get back into the gym 100%, but right now you have got to focus on you! if your foundation w/handling your ED isn't strong, putting yourself in positions where you feel weak against it is going to make it a lot harder to resist temptation. just be easy on yourself and give yourself time to become comfortable w/your healthy eating habits! and if your body is really craving the exercise, but you want to avoid the gym why not go for a long walk or a jog or something low impact that you can do by yourself without all of the other "eyes" on you? you are doing great, keep up the good work!!!
Future7