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Atay 
8:03pm, July 20, 2009
Not in the writing mood. Not in any mood that I can quite clearly describe. I am having intimacy issues in my relationship. I have to stay far far far away. Push and push and push away. And then, here I am.....lonely. You know...food is a great substitute! "C'mon in, yummy yummy yummy, how nice!" and then, "Get the hell out of me, blah blap, blap, there, all better." But, alas, I waste my day doing a tiny bit of everything on the to do list, never completing a task and never doing one thing well. I don't want to be inside, I don't want to be outside. I don't want to be upstairs or downstairs. I don't want to read I don't want to write, I don't not want to either.
Tomorrow it's back to work. I feel like I haven't had my weekend yet. I need space and time. And yet, here I am, all alone, as my child is with a friend, but I've done nothing! Well, I'm going to go eat more grapes and more carrots and wish for the cookie dreams to go away. The cookie dreams have been in my goddamn head all day. I've made it all this time, I'll make it until bed time.
Two years....it's a hard time in relationships. I think it's a very interesting time slot because it's long enough to really have a good picture of another human being. The good and bad of both parties is all out on the table now. It can be looked at and a decision can be made. Negotiations, compromises, agreements, and resolutions. Will the relationship end, will it remain as is, will it go further? And what will each of those options bring? No wonder I'm tired.
Tomorrow it's back to work. I feel like I haven't had my weekend yet. I need space and time. And yet, here I am, all alone, as my child is with a friend, but I've done nothing! Well, I'm going to go eat more grapes and more carrots and wish for the cookie dreams to go away. The cookie dreams have been in my goddamn head all day. I've made it all this time, I'll make it until bed time.
Two years....it's a hard time in relationships. I think it's a very interesting time slot because it's long enough to really have a good picture of another human being. The good and bad of both parties is all out on the table now. It can be looked at and a decision can be made. Negotiations, compromises, agreements, and resolutions. Will the relationship end, will it remain as is, will it go further? And what will each of those options bring? No wonder I'm tired.
