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ElaineBwn 
3:15pm, January 15, 2009
To all of my dear, dear friends who have prayed for me and supported me during my hospital stay in detox, words cannot express my gratitude for all of your loving comments and cheering me on and most of all for your prayers. While in detox, I mostly slept through the whole thing- a deep sleep without any nightmares, but with sweet dreams instead! After that I was only a bit shakey, and I met two marvelous teens who took me on as their mom. One had bulimia and hated men, and the other one had delusions. She thought the TV was talking directly to her, and she swore she knew Oprah Winfrey personally! Oh well, to each his own thoughts!
My sincere apologies to all of you for not sending messges or hugs for so long. It's not that I didn't care about you, because I love you all very much. My husband has COPD (cronic obstructive pulmonary disorder) and he's been getting worse each day. I had to rush him to the ER twice because he could barely breathe, and he was admitted to the hospital for several days of specialized breathing treatments. So I really had my hands full. He also has prostate cancer which is no longer in remission. As far as the COPD goes, the doctor said the damage has already been done, and he will end up on a life support breathing machine or his heart will give out if he continues to smoke. When I picked him up from the hospital, he immediately lit up a cigarette. He told me he's not going to quit. I can't force him to do anything, and it makes me feel so powerless. We went shopping and he needed a wheelchair in order to get around the store.
I just started back to counseling, because I am not dealing with this situation very well at all. He is 12 years older than me (70) and he insists he will always be here to take care of me. I'm not prepared to lose my best friend or be a young widow.
I'm extremely depressed and practally nonfunctional at this point. It's a miracle that I am even able to write in my journal today. This has taken me hours to finish.
I would appreciate one thing from all of you and that would be your prayers for God's will in this situation. I feel I am housebound without anyone to do anything with anymore.
Then I feel guilty for feeling that way. But it's very hard. Charlie spends all of his time lying on the couch, watching TV, and napping. He can seldom sleep at night, and it's starting to wake me up every morning at about 4:30 am. I really don't have a lot more to say. Forgive me for dumping all my garbage on you.
Love in Christ,
Elaine Brown
