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AngelChristiansMommy 
10:44am, August 12, 2008
Christian's first birthday will be here very soon and I am having a hard time with this. I have been trying to come up with ideas to make it a special day, but it's just not the same without him here. I am so upset that I won't get to see him blow out his birthday candle or open birthday presents. I recently received a very nice letter from the Univ. or Maryland School of Medicine - Center for Infant and Child Loss. I was very touched by their thoughtfulness for my situation and thought I would share what it said. I am hoping it may give other grieving mothers some ideas for their child's birthday too. Here it is:
All parents have very special memories of the birth of their child. As Christian's birthday approaches you may find, as other parents have, that this day is a very painful milestone. Celebration of the birth was exciting and happy and now this day reinforces the reality that your child is not with you. You may want to do something special to commemorate this bittersweet occasion. Other bereaved parents have provided the following suggestions:
1. Visit the cemetary if it is nearby, or another favorite private spot where you can be alone with thougths of you child.
2. Seek out a special friend who will let you share your memories and distress, who will permit you to cry. Talking and crying are a part of healing.
3. Pull out the mementos of your child to help the family recall the good times that you had during his life.
4. Write a birthday message on a card and attach it to a balloon.
5. Give a gift in memory of your child to a special charity or organization. Donate a book, toy or your time to a needy family.
6. Finally, be gentle with yourself. There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Do things that are important to you. Do the best that you can.
They also attached the following poem, which I thought was very appropriate. I can identify with it so well and figured there were quite a few others here who would appreciate it as much as I did. Here it is:
Remembering
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I know it will take a lifetime.
(~written by Elizabeth Dent, TCF, McMinnville, OR)
Comments
At first I was kicking myself for planning the balloon release, but I am so glad that we did it. It brought me a lot of comfort.
Leosmommy
So sorry that this painful milestone is coming up. What a thoughtful message sent by the medical center..the most important point being the last one..don't have any expectations..there is no right or wrong way to deal. Use your friends if you need to or be alone if that's what you want. Nobody expects anything. I will be thinking of you.
maddiesdad
I love the balloon release idea. I've used it myself with my dad's death. What a heartfelt letter - that was absolutely great for them to remember you both. Big hugs to you sweetie, I'm wishing you much peace.
ItsKimi
Susan, I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, I have three myself,17,18,19. My oldest daughter, 18, will be having my first grandson next month. When she was only 4, she fell into a stock tank and when we found her, she was floating face down. She was unresponsive for about 20 minutes. The doctors finally revived her in the E.R. and she is fine to this day. I felt like dying during those long 20 minutes, but I guess God had other plans for her. I know this does'nt help your situation with Christian, but I felt like I'd share it with you. I know a child can be with you one minute and gone the next, I guess thats the way God multiplies his Angels. I know I did'nt lose my precious daughter, but I can relate to your pain. Just hang in there and things will be fine. Lotsa' HUGS!!! Jason
jason2
Thanks for sharing! You are just so special. Always thinking of all of us and including us and our angels in the things you do. It's just so hard missing their first birthday and all the first that we won't have with them. You and Christian will be in my thoughts on the 19th.
ckdeedee
Thank you for posting that...all the ideas are so good. I think the most important thing you can do is something that will make you smile, thhats what our angels want to see...happy mommies.
KellySL
AThat was very helpful cause I havent even thought of what I would like to do. I know my day will come, but I hope you will be filled with love and peace tommarow and I will release a balloon for christianin the morning for his b day. Love ya lots of hugs!!!!!
anthonymommy143
Susan, thanks for sharing that with all of us. Please know that we are all here to help you with your loss. Loads of Hugzzz. oxoxox Rainey
raineysbrokenheart
What a touching letter. Thinking of you as this milestone rolls around, I know what a tough one birthdays are. Hugs!!
wolfemom
Hi Susan,
You know I didn't loose a child but in your poem I place my wife. It still fits so perfectly. I have been having a rough time myself these last 2 weeks. Thanks for posting this. The anniversay of her passing is in May and Easter is a very special holiday so I am doubbly torn at this time. You take care of yourself. I released ballons for dani at christmas and it was tearfull but did help. Take care my sweet friend. Gary
lost123
I did the baloon release and it was good...almost like letting go of the pain...the kids and I wrote little messagees and attached them to the string of what we wanted to say to her in heaven. My best advice is dont do it near any trees....I thought about doing butterflies, but they need to be local so they dont suffer. Then again my house is infested with lady bugs from some doofus science experiement VCU did a few years back to protect crops, well the lady bugs multiply and make their way inside every winter...I saw at least 20 in my bathroom tonight...I can even vacume them up and set them free...they are tough boogers, they can swim and bite too...Sarah's day is coming soon too. About a month and I still havent gotten my picture back of her, I want to send for the collage to mommys only...but anyhow...Im sleepy....gnite....
Sarahsma