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AngelChristiansMommy 
10:44am, August 12, 2008
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I haven't been on DS as much lately. I have just had a hard time recently with Christian's first birthday and then Easter right after that. Unfortunately it rained on Christian's birthday, which put a big damper on the balloon release. We still managed to let them go, but it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. I did have some friends come by that night to be there for support, so that was nice. We ordered Chinese food, looked at pictures of Christian and just sat and talked.
I also just recently got all the stuff back from the investigators. It was mostly sheets, bed covers, pillows, formula, baby food, etc. But it was still very hard going through all of it. Especially opening the little baggie containing his sleeper and his onesie. The last things he wore, the clothes he passed away in. As you can imagine, I was in tears as I held them close to me. Fortunately, they weren't cut up. I was concerned that they might be because I have heard other parents got their babies sleepers back all cut up.
Anyway, another reason I haven't been on DS as much lately is because I wasn't feeling well. Being depressed and grieving has taken its toll on me and along with that, I came down the the flu. I have missed all my wonderful friends on DS and I just wanted to take this time to say thank you to everyone who sent me messages of support around Christian's birthday. You all rock!! I don't know what I would do without all of you! Several of you have even sent me messages saying you missed me, since I haven't been around as much. Thanks for making me feel so special and so loved!
I have been missing Christian A LOT lately, but I do finally have some good news! I finally got a new job!!!! I know a lot of you knew I was interviewing and were sending me messages asking if I had found anything yet. Well, this week I will be training in a training facility and then after that I will be working from home. I am a little nervous, but also excited. I just hope I like it and that it works out for me. Thanks to you all again for being so supportive!
I love you all!! xoxo
Susan
Comments
Opening presents and blowing out the candle on your cake
These are all things in which you should partake
On this very special day - your first birthday
We can’t celebrate in the traditional way
Instead, a cake I made of artificial flowers - blue and white,
Will be left for you at your grave site
Balloons will be sent to you up above
With notes from your loved ones expressing their love
A special mass will be held in your name
And this poem will be read about the day that you came
You came into my life a year ago
And from that moment I’ve loved you so
God sent me a special little baby boy
To fill my days with so much joy
Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Tommy and big sis too
Were all there waiting to get their first look at you
We were all filled with anticipation and glee
For you to be born we were all so excited, you see
It only took a few big pushes and out you came
From that day our lives were never the same
As they put you on my tummy to lie
A joyful tear trickled out of my eye
It was a day I will never forget
The day when you and I first met
I just couldn’t take my eyes from you
My tiny baby so beautiful and new
Swaddled in a little soft blankie of blue
I held you in my arms, not wanting to let go of you
Aunt Denise wanted to be there & came as soon as she could
To hold you in her arms made her feel so good
A few weeks later Uncle Anthony and Alan came to see you
They were overwhelmed with excitement too
Your cute little smile brightened my day
One look at you could make a bad day seem okay
Though you are gone, in my heart you will stay
And thoughts of you will be with me on this special day
Though you are gone, I want you to know
My love for you will continue to grow
While you are in Heaven celebrating this glorious day
We will be celebrating in our own special way
Just one thing left for me to say - Happy Birthday!
Sending all my love, hugs and kisses your way
These are all things in which you should partake
On this very special day - your first birthday
We can’t celebrate in the traditional way
Instead, a cake I made of artificial flowers - blue and white,
Will be left for you at your grave site
Balloons will be sent to you up above
With notes from your loved ones expressing their love
A special mass will be held in your name
And this poem will be read about the day that you came
You came into my life a year ago
And from that moment I’ve loved you so
God sent me a special little baby boy
To fill my days with so much joy
Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Tommy and big sis too
Were all there waiting to get their first look at you
We were all filled with anticipation and glee
For you to be born we were all so excited, you see
It only took a few big pushes and out you came
From that day our lives were never the same
As they put you on my tummy to lie
A joyful tear trickled out of my eye
It was a day I will never forget
The day when you and I first met
I just couldn’t take my eyes from you
My tiny baby so beautiful and new
Swaddled in a little soft blankie of blue
I held you in my arms, not wanting to let go of you
Aunt Denise wanted to be there & came as soon as she could
To hold you in her arms made her feel so good
A few weeks later Uncle Anthony and Alan came to see you
They were overwhelmed with excitement too
Your cute little smile brightened my day
One look at you could make a bad day seem okay
Though you are gone, in my heart you will stay
And thoughts of you will be with me on this special day
Though you are gone, I want you to know
My love for you will continue to grow
While you are in Heaven celebrating this glorious day
We will be celebrating in our own special way
Just one thing left for me to say - Happy Birthday!
Sending all my love, hugs and kisses your way
Love,
Mommy
Comments
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You are an amazing poet!!!
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this is A-W-S-O-M-E! damn it is sooooo good! i am on my way to light mister mister a candle!
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very beautiful poem honey. Love ya lots of hugs!!!
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Happy Birthday Christian!!! I hope you are having lots of fun with all your friends in heaven sweet boy; send your kind and wonderful Mommy some birthday angel kisses - it's her birthday too and she wishes she could hold you. Let her know you're there and have a great party up there. xoxo
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Oh WOW Susan. That is amazing!! Thank you so much for sharing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE SUNSHINE!!!!!
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Wow! That was awesome to read, it even brought a tear to my eyes. Hold on the those memorties that you have of him. I'm thinking of you and your and family, on this very special day. Rainey
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Susan, what a beautiful and poignant remembrance of little Christian...
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(((((Susan)))) What an amazing poem. I can feel every bit of the love. Happy birthday dear Christian. Please continue to watch over your mommy - she is so special! xoxo
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Beautiful poem for a very special little boy. Happy first birthday sweet Christian... Enjoy your balloon parade being sent your way.
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That made me cry! That was absolutely amazing.happy birthday Christian!
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What an amazing poem for an amazing little angel! I'm perfectly sure he's watching over you and basking in all of your love! and praying that God fills your heart with peace and strength to get through this most difficult day.
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That was moving....you are very in touch. I saw a mom today wearing a t of her baby boy that drowned near a year ago. I cried thinking, how cute he was. And look at her smiling. That would be hard, the more time you have with them the more you love them. I would tell anyone to love their child with all their heart and no reservations from day 1 because we just don't know when their time will come. POetry used to help me too...
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Happy First Birthday, Christian. I couldn't wait to read what you did for Christian. I just knew it had to be very special. The poem was beautiful. You're just amazing. You are in my prayers and thoughts. Hugs to you and Christian. Hope all our little angels are enjoying Christian's birthday.
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that is a beautiful poem
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what a little sweetheart you were. You were truly loved and you remain in everyones heart. In 1998 I had brain surgery and I died and came back so I am here to tell you that heaven is real and he is with your relatives that have gone before. He will be there to greet you when it is your time. He has gone somewhere where he is loved and safe. God bless you all.
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Lotsa love and prayers today sweetheart!
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That was wonderful, Susan! Happy Birthday Christian!
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absolutely beautiful hon! you are such a wonderful Mommy --*biggest hug ever*!
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You're a GREAT mom, Susan! Just remember we're all here temporary, our greatest reward is waiting for us in Heaven, to be with all the loved ones we've lost over the years. They're all waiting patiently for all of us to be together again. Happy First Birthday Christian, and leave that one candle burning for your Mom so she can see you blow it out soon. Your the Greatest Susan!! Jason
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I bawling my eyes out now - beautiful, just beautiful Susan, you're such a wonderful woman, hugs, Jo, x
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That was a wonderful poem..You are very creative.I could never even write one sentence that rhymed.. Happy birthday Christian!!
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You are such a wonderful mom. Your poem is beautiful. I'm so sorry you don't have your sweet little boy here with you. Hugs and love to you.
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What a beautiful message. Celebrate the life of your beautiful bundle of joy on both this day and every day for the rest of your life. YOU sure epitomise the true meaning of MOM, what a GREAT role model YOU are for ALL mothers alike. YOU still have responsibilities to uphold so keep up the outstanding work. And a special little kiss also for Christian, what a TRUE reflection of YOU HE is.
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beauitful beauitful, your son feels the love you have for him so very strong because i can feel the love in your words, Happy birthday sweet boy, blow out all your heavenly candles fast and strong and blow the wind your mummy's way so she can feel your love.
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Happy birthday, Christian. Best wishes to you, Susan.
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This is an AWESOME poem!!! It made me cry so much!!!! Christian is so lucky to have you as a mom!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTIAN!!
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god bless you.
that really is a amazing poem.
x x x
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What a beautiful poem you wrote for your little boy Christian. It is awsome! You are a wonderful Mom! I send all my love to you and your family~Love,Maria
Past Entries
| March 2008 |
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Friday, 3/14
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Friday, 3/07
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February 2008 |
Thursday, 2/21
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Friday, 2/15
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Thursday, 2/14
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Tuesday, 2/12
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Thursday, 2/07
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January 2008 |
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Monday, 1/28
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Sunday, 1/20
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Thursday, 1/10
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Monday, 1/07
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Goal Updated
i am glad that is all over for you. we missed you. i am happy that you had people there with you to give you support, that is important. seems like everyone i know has either gotten that nasty flu or has it. i know you are happy to feel better. and GOOD luck with the new job!!!!
toosoon
We can all understand how the 1st birthday & Easter made you feel low. It makes sense that you'd come down with a flu in the middle of all the stress. Take good care of yourself.
Leosmommy
see I knew you'd find a job!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! I am glad you are getting through the dark days I have missed you!
NickNicksmommykitkat
You were really missed. I'm glad your doing better. Good luck with your new job!!
LaylaF
Sorry Girl! I can only imagine what you must have been going through. You are such a wonderful and strong person. Your in my thoughts. Yay! I am glad you got a new job. I am always here for you.
OneBadBlonde
I was worried about you since you were always so supportive and always there. I even tried your myspace, but it was private and I don't have a sign on. Congrats on your new job. I know you will do well. I read an article and a sudden death is always so much harder to cope with and could take up to two years. It made me feel better since I was having such a hard time and I couldn't understand why. My husband passed away when I was 30 and losing James is just so much more difficult. My friends at DS really help me since they understand what we go through. Most of my friends and even my family members couldn't understand why I'm having so much trouble with the grieving process with a grandson and they don't even know about all the crying I do when I'm alone. I worried about how I'm going to cope for James' birthday and that's still 5 months away. I just miss him so much! Glad you're doing better.
ckdeedee
Good to hear from you hon! I'm so sorry that you've hit a slump lately... :( I guess it just happens from time to time but hope you get to feeling better here soon. *big hugs*!! oh, and congrats on the new job!
Mommy2Ethan
The "first" are always hard....I'm glad you had some friends stop by to be with you. I know having Christians things returned was a good thing and also a hard thing. I'm glad you have his sleeper and it's in tack. I know you will treasure it always. Sorry you've been sick, but am glad to hear you're feeling better. Grief is very hard on the physical as well as the emotional. Good luck with your new job, I hope it works out for you. I'm sure you'll enjoy working from home...no commute!! Take care and know you are loved and appreciated.
Big hugs,
Teri
RememberKala
The new life is so hard I hate it so much but we have to hang on for the family, we dont seem have any choice. But you did get through I am very proud of you. I wish you feel better soon and good luck to your new job. love Robyn
rma
So happy you are back, your a very bright spot on DS. I know all about the flu thing, this is the first time I've been out of bed in the last 24 hours. I'm glad you had good friends around you to get you through the hard days and congrats on the new job.
KellySL
Ive been missing you and am so glad that you found a job! I know the holidays and Christians b-day are very hard and I am here for you if you need to talk
krying
I'm glad to see you back, you were very much missed!!!! I knew you must be having a hard time with Christian's birthday and then Easter, I've been praying for you hon. I hope you are feeling better soon, you are a wonderful friend and you always make me smile. Congrats on the new job, I hope you love it! I love you! Beth
wolfemom
I am so happy for you that you secured a job. That is such great news.
We did miss you, but another sad part of grief is that we can get so run down that we are vulnerable to other illnesses.
I am glad that you got to release the balloons for Christian.
Love to you and your daughter, and all the best in your new job!
Sam
jeansbaby
the job sounds great and you sound positive about it which is great, it's a bummer about the rain on Christian's birthday, maybe he was feeling cheeky and wanted to make it hard for you but know matter the weather he still got his balloons..lol.. it's good you spent the evening with others that care, it makes a difference in knowing others remember and care
helmel
Glad your back! I hope u feel better. And Congrats on your new job!
CarysDaniel
hey hun im soooo happy u got your job thats soooo cool. Wow reading your journal is a trip cause ive been going threw the same thing. Its hard... I guess it just comes and goes and we just have to realize that it normal. love ya girl hope to talk to ya soon!!!!
anthonymommy143
missed ya :) glad you are back and hoping you are doing ok.
mediccollins
YEAH FOR MY GIRL!!! BEST OF LUCK WITH THE NEW JOB!!! YOU WILL DO JUST.... GREAT!!!! I REMEMBERED WAY BACK WHEN OUR LITTLE BOY DIED AS I READ UR JOURNAL...I FELT IT ALL OVER AGAIN..AND THE TEARS CAME. SO IF ANYONE OUT THERE TELLS ANY OF YOU ""THAT TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS!!""PUNCH EM IN THE NOSE FOR ME!! LOL ITS NOT TRUE..THE PAIN LESSENS..FADES AT TIMES BUT THEN IT ALL FLOWS OVER YOU AND BREAKS YOUR HEART ALLOVER AGAIN..BE STRONG SWEETY..UR NOT ALONE..KISS UR DAUGHTER MORE AND HUG HER ""EVERYDAY"" KNOW MATTER HOW "OLD" SHE MAY THINK SHE IS!! LOL MUCH LOVE AND MANY PRAYERS TO YOU MY GIRL...ALWAYS, UR MOM FROM MISSOURI!! TERESA
EMT
I'm not trying to be a nusence or seem wierd but, I'm glad you had support through that time. I know what it is like to not have support. I really hope you are happy at your new job. You definately sound like a wonderful person a deserve to find happiness. Tony
demophishman
Sorry I wasn't here on DS during that emotional time. I feel like a big jerk for not being here for you. Please forgive me. I hate that it rained when you were trying to release balloons for your precious angel, but glad that it got done. I felt a lump in my throat reading about you getting his things back, especially the clothing he was wearing when he passed on. Please know that even when I'm not online, I'm thinking about you and all that you go through. I miss chatting with you. Hope we can do that again soon. Take good care of you and CONGRATS on the new job. XOXOXOXOXO
ArtistMom