jamesross's Journal

  Well, the time is getting near. Still have mixed feelings about going, but I know I won't ever know what can come about if I don't go. I find it hard to beleive that I really will stop drinking, but I'll try it. I do like having a couple of beers at the end of the day, but that opens the door to days when I'll buy a case, and then I'll drink in the morning, and that just makes trouble all over. I'm not so worried about Jimmy and Jet. I know they will be fine. I just hope the guys take proper care of them. I like washing their plates each day, the same as I would like it. Might sound silly, but I try to treat them the best I can. Jimmy has never known abuse, or being mistreated, and Jet hasn't either since being here. Not sure about before, but I know she's happy here now. Things are going well with work. I can tell that Paul is going to miss me. He says little things more now that reflect the work I do. He wasn't one for giving much compliments, but he lets me know now that he likes the work I do. I feel good when he says something nice. I find it always surprising how most people see me. I seem to be so hard on myself that it seems that it's true, but others see me differant. They like, and enjoy me. Thats totally differant from what my mind tells me. anyway, I am looking foreward to this journey. I'm very interested in what they will teach me. I want to know real happiness again. lately I do feel happier, but most of my life has seemed like I've had this cloud of saddness with me. I would really like to lose that. Hopefully I will learn how to from all this. Thank you Lord.