Journal

  Oh boy. Things are constantly happening. Got home last night and the phone was shut off. Wanted to call some people to say goodbye, but can't. Bought the cat food and stuff, but forgot the hard food. Have to get Paul to get that later. He's driving me to Halton House, because he needs me to do some stuff for him this morning. Said 8 O'clock, but not here still. Spoke with Bob last night about things. He said it wasn't a good idea to have Clarence look after the cats. Apparently Clarence can get nasty at times when he drinks. I see that too. Last night he was drinking at the place we were working at, and started getting iritable when Bob wanted to do more. The beer ran out, so Clarence wanted to go. He's been charged before with assault when drunk, so if he was drinking and the cats happen to scratch him, or bother him, there's a real possibility that he would smack them or something. I don't want that. Bob said he knew a Christian guy that would come and look after them. After I thought things over, I thought he was right, so I left it with Bob to look after. Bob and Paul have been so good to me, and to think only a short while ago I thought everything they were doing and saying was bullshit. Bob always told me he wanted to help me, but I never trusted him. Boy, when I think back my head was really messed up, but I thought I knew exactly what I was doing. Wrong!. Shit I just noticed a filling missing in my top tooth. There's a big gap tghere now. Another tooth comming out. Everytime it seems like I stop drinking I lose a tooth or two. This better be the last. There starting to get scarce. Going to be gumming it soon. Anyway, I'm all set to go. Been a couple of days not drinking, as required for my entry, and I do feel very good. Only had five hours sleep, but I feel good. I'm seeing lots of potential,. and hope through all this. Working for Bob and Paul is very good for me. I can get other jobs too from people that like my painting, so I never will be without work. I've saved up over a thousand dollars already in such a short time, and that tells me that I can get my licence back if I keep going on track. With a licence, that means I can get a car and get back into bussiness again with Painting. Something not even possible while drinking. I've been wanting that for about five years. Loseing my licence was very devestating to me. Meant loseing my painting bussiness, because I couldn't do estimates or go to jobs. Without a car you can't get a good job. I used to makw thirty dollars an hour painting, easy. Without a car you can only get minumum paying jobs, and it's very discouraging. Yup, I think all good is going to come from, all this. God really is good. (Funny how we only say that when things seem to go the way we want. Try thanking him in the middle of a disaster.) Well, thank you to all you that have been here for me on D.S. You really can't imagine the nights you helped me. I do love you all. Jet, Amy, Serenity, Red, Jenn, Terry, I love you all, and thank you. I won't say goodbye, because this is a begining. I'll be back in November. Thank you. God bless, and I love you all, and if I left anyone out I'm sorry. Just so much on my mind right now, I love you all very much, and thanks. Later. Thank you Lord.

  Boy, I'm so tired. Paul is trying to get all he can out of me before I go, but I'm not getting some things done that I need too. He's going to have to take care of some things. I want to see someone tomorow night before I go to. I'll just tell him I'm finished at six, and he has to drive me there. We were back at the lady who moved into a nightmare. I feel so sorry for her. The place is still upsidedown. She's a really good lady, and I try to do an extra good job, but Paul try's to rush things so much that it's hard. I really don't like being rushed like that. I like doing a proper job. Anyway, it's good to know I always have a job with him, and when I finish treatment. Thats a good  thing. I saw something so sweet tonight. I went into one of the rooms I painted upstairs, and in the closet was three tiny new born kittens. They were so tiny. I loved them. Later I showed Paul and the mother was there feeding them. I didn't stay long that time because the mother was nervouse of us, but that really made my night. Cats really are cool. I love the ways they are. So just them. Well, time for bed. Thank you Lord for everything.

  I feel so much better now. I know I'm leaving Jimmy and Jet in very good hands, I came home last night, and all the guys were out front drinking and talking. That doesn't bother me any, because I hardley ever joined them. They mostly only talk about their work, or just guy shit talk, and I'm just not into that. anyway, Clarence was there, and I have been wanting to ask him to look after the cats. Out of the bunch, I really like him. He works for Bob too, but mostly just gets his rent and a twelve of beer a night. He's an alcoholic, but still a very good person. He's a native Indian, and a big guy. I think he has schizophrenia, but I don't know. He's always laughing to himself and talking when we work, but I see it in a good way. Some people just talk crazy and say weird things, or they get mad or stuff, but not him. It's like he has an invisible friend with him, and they just laugh all the time. I think thats really cool actually. He doesn't hurt anyone, and he's very respectful and courtious. Funny how we often see people like him, and we think they have a problem. He's alright in my books. Better than most people I know that are so called normal. He's educated, and almost got through university, but the drinking got him. He never talks about others, and he's the most respectful person I know. He rents a room downstairs, with crazy Karl. It's not really nice, but I thought he's perfect for the cats. Although he has his problems, I trust him completly. I brought him upstairs and showed and told him everything. I brought Carlos too, because I asked both of them. Carlos left fast because he was more interested in drinking, but Clarence really surprised me. I told him he could have use of my place while I'm gone. I thought it would be a real treat for him. He just has a small room downstairs, and my place is big. He'll like the air conditioner too, and the movies. The cats took to him right away. I went out for awhile and let them get acqainted. I came back and Clarence had wrote out a detailed list of things to do, and questions about what to do in certain situiations. I was so impressed with him. He covered everything. He really is a good person, and I feel so good leaving the cats with him. So thats taken care of. Been still working a lot. Last night we went late. I'm sore this morning from it. It was so nice not being woken up this morning at seven with the construction going on on our street. That gets really iritating after awhile. They have the big machines, and shake the whole place when they start. Their putting in new water mains and sewers or something, so it's necessary, but a pain. Anyway, working again today, so have to go. Thank you Lord.