sleep
November 26, 2009 3:02am
Tonight was the first night my doctor prescribed Ambien and (obviously) it is not working. 3am and I'm still up. Makes me want to cry. I get so …
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realityisanillusion 
11:20pm
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About Me
realityisanillusion
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About Me
Finally updating this after two years. Pretty bad Bipolar for as long as I can remember. Only properly diagnosed within the last several years, Hospitalized on numerous occasions, suffer from extreme panic attacks, generalized anxiety disorder, recovering alcoholic, pill abuser, relationship/social/friendship issues, an extreme over-thinker and analyzer, eternal pessimist, caregiver for my father, insomniac, and hopeless. If that doesn't entice you to get in touch with me, I have no idea what will. Oh and by the way, I look much happier in my picture than I probably do in real life right not.
Finally updating this after two years. Pretty bad Bipolar for as long as I can remember. Only properly diagnosed within the last several years, Hospitalized on numerous occasions, suffer from extreme panic attacks, generalized anxiety disorder, recovering alcoholic, pill abuser, relationship/social/friendship issues, an extreme over-thinker and analyzer, eternal pessimist, caregiver for my father, insomniac, and hopeless. If that doesn't entice you to get in touch with me, I have no idea what will.
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Website
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Interests
Sports. Baseball. Music. Family. My dog. My cats. Buddhism. The Ocean. Tattoos. Peace. Politics. TV (total addict). Feeling Healthy.
Sports. Baseball. Music. Family. My dog. My cats. Buddhism. The Ocean. Tattoos. Peace. Politics. TV (total
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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13 hugs received, 10 hugs given, 7 discussion posts, 4 journal posts, 1 advice post
Yesterday
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realityisanillusion updated their status 11:20pm
made it through the day, hoping tomorrow will be a good day.…
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realityisanillusion changed their mood to OK 11:20pm
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realityisanillusion gave lyricist13 a thanks 4:56pm
I hope you are doing well friend.…
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realityisanillusion and lyricist13 are now friends 4:53pm
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realityisanillusion and DeeKorn13 are now friends 4:13pm
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Journal
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Thankful
November 25, 2009 6:26pm
Okay, so, as it goes with my bipolar and my personality in general, I know that I'm prone to vascilate from being thrilled to content to …
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Bottom
November 24, 2009 1:11am
I realize so badly that I want to be numb. I need to be numb to the world and to my feelings and my body. I hate when I'm feeling elevated …
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Sigh
November 23, 2009 1:34am
Well I've posted in several forums about my current situation but my mom who I live with is away and I'm feeling unsure about that …
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Hugbook
Give realityisanillusion a hug
Flower
Sorry you were alone today. Hope you made the best of it and got through it. Sounds like you did. Hope Christmas goes better. Lots of love. xo
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Hug
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Hug
Oh sweetz thank you so much! Im having a hard time & feelin really lonely, so that means alot to me!
HUGGERS
Dee 
Hug
((((HUGS))))
Hug
Crying does not make you a wimp...it makes you a person with feelings. Heck, I cry over tv all the time and at first my fiance' thought he had a crazed woman on his hands, then he just realized he had an emotional woman on his hands and now claims that's part of what he loves most about me.
NEVER be afraid to be yourself!
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Photos
realityisanillusion hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bipolar Disorder
Treatments
- Abilify Not Working
- Didn't work
- Ativan Not Working
- Didn't work
- Lamictal Not Working
- Didn't work
- Lithium Not Working
- Didnt work
- Risperdal Not Working
- Seroquel Too Soon to Tell
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- Xanax Somewhat Helpful
- The first two times I took it 2 mg man did it work. But since then the 1mgs have not really helped. I think I need to try valium.
Close Stress Management
Treatments
- Emotions Anonymous (EA) Considering
- Just started receiving e-discussions
- Music Working / Worked
- This is the only thing that has potential to work for me.
- Patience Not Working
- :(
- Physical Exercise Considering
- Chronic knee injuries make excercise tough/painful/impossible :(
- Seroquel Too Soon to Tell
Open Caregivers
realityisanillusion hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Panic Attacks
Treatments
- Ativan Not Working
- I became addicted and abused Lorazepam almost to death. Lead to a hospitalization. As a result, no medical professional will prescribe me benzos (obviously) and my battle against anxiety/panic attacks has become much more difficult without the aid of medication.
- Meditation Too Soon to Tell
- At times I can meditate 'successfully', but only when I'm already relaxed. When I'm aggitated and anxious, it's virtually impossible for me to get into a meditative state.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- I've had a string of bad experiences with Psychiatrists and Psychologists. Taking a much needed break from both now.
- Seroquel Too Soon to Tell
Open Alcoholism
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Not Working
- AA Meetings Too Soon to Tell
- Ativan Not Working
- Cold Turkey Not Working
- Detox Somewhat Helpful
- Outpatient Treatment Program Not Working
- Sleep Not Working
- Trazodone Somewhat Helpful
- Willpower Somewhat Helpful
Open Anxiety
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- Breathwork Working / Worked
- BuSpar Working / Worked
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Zoloft Working / Worked
Open Healthy Relationships
Ever since my first relationship (when I was 15 years old!) I have been involved in unhealthy relationships. These have varied in the definitions of 'unhealthy' but I hope to gain insight or support as to how to engage in a HEALTHY relationship.
Open Hypothyroidism
realityisanillusion hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
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Groups
