HaniBani's Journal

I have been meaning to start a journal for quite some time now, but on many occasions, it tends to bring out feelings that I'd rather tuck away.

I started taking Wellbutrin on the 29th as well as Xanax as needed. I've been hesitant in trying any of these methods, but my (very kind) doctor suggested that I give it a try because my anxiety is starting to affect me physically as well. I was recently diagnosed with IBS, and have chronic pain & muscle spasms in my neck and back (scar tissue around a spinal segment)--which are all affected by tension and anxiety.

 I am starting counseling as soon as the holidays are over and I can call in an appointment, but to be honest, I'm terrified to talk to a stranger about my past and my current feelings. I'm also concerned that I'm going to turn into some kind of walking zombie with taking these medications. I am frustrated at myself for being so sensitive to the world around me, and not being able to handle any situations-- but at the same time, I'm afraid that in taking away the negative, my individual personality will disappear. Am I crazy to feel this way?

So this is day 3 of taking my meds. So far, they have made me pretty groggy with no other side effects during the day. Xanax seems to be working for calming me down when I get really wound up. However, when night rolls around (usually around 5 hrs after taking Xanax), I've been waking in a complete panic and having trouble getting back to sleep. Maybe it's just my body adjusting to the new meds or maybe it's the fact that I'm starting to think more about my past, but I know I don't need any EXTRA when it comes to the nightmare department. Let's hope things get better from here.