Journal Entry for April 12, 2009
April 12, 2009 11:44am
Played guitar with the church group last night for the easter mass, feeling great
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jtothefive
4:16pm, April 17, 2009
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About Me
jtothefive
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About Me
I am a musician with an English degree who has been attending the Berklee College of Music in Boston for 2 years now. I have been dealing with extreme depression and anxiety my whole life but it seems to have gotten much more intense in the last few years. I cry a lot, there are times when i cry all day long, non stop. I have absolutely no confidence, i used to take pleasure in the fact that i am a fairly good writer and musician, but i just don't feel those things anymore. It is extremely frightening to lose all of youre inspiration, my art was the only thing getting me by and now im not sure i i can live without it:(
I am a musician with an English degree who has been attending the Berklee College of Music in Boston for 2 years now. I have been dealing with extreme depression and anxiety my whole life but it seems to have gotten much more intense in the last few years. I cry a lot, there are times when i cry all day long, non stop. I have absolutely no confidence, i used to take pleasure in the fact that i am a fairly good writer and musician, but i just don't feel those things anymore. It is extremely frightening
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Journal Entry for April 11, 2009
April 11, 2009 12:14pm
not starting till today, just recieved reusable cigarette, getting some nicotine gum, sick of smoking
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Journal Entry for April 8, 2009
April 8, 2009 11:05am
had an awesome night at the open mic night, despite a small crowd i kicked some ass!!!!http://www.myspace.com/jackmakane. Glad to be rid of a …
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Journal Entry for April 7, 2009
April 7, 2009 1:41pm
Glad to be rid of someone who only made me feel worse, was wrong to feel about her the way i did
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friends
April 4, 2009 11:36am
I was just hurt by someone whom i thought was a very good friend........granted i was no saint in this relationship, far from it i guess. She had …
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Sorry you feel like you do. I came accross your stuf by looking at my homepage and saw something from a lovewins, then I noticed your guitar, I clicked and went to your page and read that you have been going to Berklee for about 2 years. Many years ago around 1985 or so I had the pleasue of meeting Lee Burke, who I guess was the president at that time, the director for the theater although I've forgotten his name, Al Di Meola, Chick Correa, And Gary Burton. I used to work at a place called Clubwest here in Santa Fe, New Mexico. So I met A lot of musicians. From there I also worked at a 3000 seat amphitheater some shows there with Evening Star and Fey Concerts, Worked a few shows in Albuquerque,NM at a place called Tingley Colliseum, Capacity is 12,400. Lot of shows there too with Evening Star, Bill Silva Presents and Fey Concerts. Well I hope this little note cheers you up a bit.
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I'm very glad to hear that!!! I've been having a few rough moments, but ultimately I'm learning a lot from it. I hope you continue to do well!
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Ugh I'm freaking out because I gained 5 lbs. recently and I also just started Lexapro. But I've only been on it for a little over a week so I don't know if I can blame the meds or not. I know it sounds dumb but weight gain is like my biggest fear. I haven't been doing any support groups. Just regular therapy. I honestly don't have like any time. At least until this semester is over. What kinda support group are you going to?
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Cool! I'm so glad you're feeling better! Did you notice any weight gain or increased appetite with the lexapro or celexa? I'm really worried about that. I actually was going to take fish oil but never did...maybe I should try that!
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Thanks! How are you? I see a green smiley.. I hope that means you're good! Oh question..are you still taking Lexapro? I was wondering if that helped for you. I'm switching from prozac to lexapro.
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI have never really had any friends, i just don't feel like i belong anywhere. Nothing especially traumatic has ever really happened to me but i don't ever remember being happy. I spend all of my spare time alone and ive always been depressed, recently its become so intense that i just want to die. I dont seem to take pleasure in anything, right now im attending Berklee College of Music in Boston and i am scared to death because i dont seem to enjoy playing music like i used to.
Treatments
- Celexa Working / Worked
- seems to be working fairly well
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- Seems to help although i wish i could get into group therapy
- Lexapro Too Soon to Tell
- just started
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- If i could practice this i wouldn't be in this situation in the first place
- Prozac Not Working
- I was on prozac last year for 5 months, i dont know if i wasnt on it long enough to feel any good effects but, it seems like i cried a lot more when i was on it.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I have been in and out of therapy for 5 years now, i think it could work but i haven't been giving it enough effort.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- This always helps the most, and my family is the only thing keeping me from killing myself.
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- i dont know this stuff made my hands shake hard, and my face was always flushed when i was on it.
- Writing Not Working
- I have an English degree so ive always loved writing but as i said above i dont seem to really enjoy anything anymore.............
- Zoloft Not Working
- I tried a generic form of zoloft off the internet(yea i know pretty sketchy) eh
Close College Stress
jtothefive hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Phobia
I get this intense anxiety when i have to be around people, small or large groups. Even just talking to individuals freaks me out sometimes.
Treatments
- Acceptance Somewhat Helpful
- Eh, i still always feel out of place around people.
Open Shyness
I am excessively shy, i cant even talk to girls without blushing most of the time
Treatments
- DailyStrength Too Soon to Tell
- So far i really love this site
- Pets Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
Suffered some intense rejection all through junior high and high school and in college, i feel like all women detest me
Treatments
- Music Working / Worked
- I love listening to and playing music, its a great outlet
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
been smoking the chronic for about 4 years now, i don't want to quit completely but i don't want to keep self medicating with it like i have been.
Open Smoking Addiction & Recovery
I want to quit but then i really dont want to quit, i just know i should, i smoke over a pack a day.
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Not Working
- HA!
- Nicotine Gum Not Working
- tried it summer before last............didnt do anything
Open Codependency
I really depend on other people and freak out when people stop talking to me or leave,
Open Abstinence & Celibacy
its not intentional, i just have some extreme social problems and absolutely no confidence, it never really bothered me until a few years ago when i started hanging out with people more and realized how young most people these days have sex. Sometimes im ok with it, other times i feel intensely abnormal and undesirable.
Open Financial Challenges
I am not very good with money, i max out credit cards, overdraw bank accounts......i get really depressed and i just don't care about that stuff when im that depressed.
Treatments
- Cut Up Credit Cards Somewhat Helpful
- Sure.......too bad i can still use the numbers online:(
- Earn Money Somewhat Helpful
- More money to spend
Open Anger Management
There are times when i get very angry over a lot of things, mostly the behavior of other people, either perceived or real.
Treatments
- Music Working / Worked
Open TMJ
Just recently realized i may have TMJ....I have always had ear problems, crazy infections, pain from time to time......And some hearing loss, i also cant open my jaw all the way and it pops and moves to one side when do. i dont get crazy headaches or dizziness but the ear thing really bothers me because im a musician and i have always wondered why i cant learn songs by ear or succeed in ear training classes.......I havent sought out a doctor yet but plan too soon.
Open Alcoholism
I always hated alcohol in highschool, even in college.................Recently its become a total escape, i dont know what else to say.
Treatments
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- went to one meeting, scared to keep going
- Willpower Not Working
- pfffft
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