Journal

Just had my 60th b'day.  Painful.  Miss the camarady from the spiritually abusive group.  Miss being a part of a group.  I don't miss the unhealthiness.  Found another counselor and one that my ins. co. will help to cover.  I've met w/her 3x.  I meet w/the psyc 1 June.  We'll discuss meds.

bouncing, emotional; difficulty... grief intensified especially during this time of year.  words... to convey what I'm feeling/thinking.  gotta go...I just want to cry.

Been awhile since I've written.  Recovering from an ear infection.  The two antibiotics wiped me out.  I'm just taking Relacor.  It's the only product that I've found that I can take without breaking out into hives.  I'm watching my intake of sugar, dairy, and caffeine.  I'm trying to get at least 7 hours of uninnteruppted sleep.  Focus on God, on Jesus... it's a struggle for me to be confident that He is willing to take care of things that concern me.  I'm not questioning His ability.  Faith.  Trust.  Struggling to trust Him, to trust the particular Body of Christ that we attend.  Ohhh, spiritual abuse is so painful.  At least I have meetings to attend to help recover from my violent, abusive, alcoholic family of origin.  Apply what I'm learning.  Yes.  I understand that.  I second-guess myself.  I question my thoughts.  Bipolar Disorder is not the worst...oh, how I dislike feeling so out of sorts.  Going to the ENT surgeon this morning.  I want to believe that my ears are better and that the holes from the tubes are closing.