Journal

It has been a while since I have updated my journal, and quite a while since I have been active on DS. I check in from time to time, but I have not spend much time here this summer.

Most of you know, I was in a car accident in early June (the same day as IUI #5). :( The back pain I suffered has pretty much had us in limbo regarding fertility treatments.  I've been through so many emotions over the whole ordeal, especially feeling a bit depressed and angry because of this unwelcomed break (we were gearing up for IVF in late summer).

Over the past few months, my time has been focused on rehabilitating my back - with nearly 25 PT visits, 5 doctors and, as of yesterday, a couple epidural steroid injections. All that to say, this has consumed my life and I have put everything on hold trying to find some relief.

My latest rehab dr actually suggested that getting pregnant could help my lower back issue (he knows my history). If only it were that easy, right?! I'm going to see how I respond to the steroids, then we'll either continue rehab or move on into IVF soon (keep reading). Over the past few weeks, I have seen some slow improvement in my progress. Here's hoping I am back to "normal" soon.

Now, on to the fun stuff. . .

We had an appointment with the RE on Monday. (Actually, I had to reschedule this appt twice due to the back pain.) It was also time for my annual physical/pap smear, so we kept the appt to discuss next steps with the RE. I really like this guy. He's not overly aggressive, but he doesn't mind "pushing the envelope" when he thinks it could help. He also understands that we have been through a lot over the past 4 years and really wants to help us fulfill our goal of having a family.

So, here's the plan (all this is contigent on my back pain, but we're going to be optimistic and believe this is going to work):

- start DHEA and acupuncture (although I am not a true believer in it, I'm willing to try it again) soon

-In October (or soon after), we will do a hysteroscopy procedure the RE refers to as "fluffing the lining of the uterus." The surgical term for insurance purposes would be called "lysis of adhesions." Because I have always had lining issues (barely make 7 mm), he thinks this can break up (with the use of a forceps tool) any scar tissue I might have and release androgens.

The RE also mentioned that this would give us a better idea if I have anything like Asherman's Syndrome. From what I've read, this is most common in women after multiple miscarriages or a D&C for retained placenta. However, in rare cases, it can be a cause for infertility. We're not thinking I have this, but it's just something to consider as we go into this surgery.

The good news is that this surgery is the treatment for Asherman's, and if it turns out that I am diagnosed with it, then we're doing the right thing. Research shows that women who have Asherman's and suffer with IF have a 70-80% chance of getting pg after the surgery. Does anyone have any insight/experience with this?

My RE has only performed this "fluffing" procedure on 6 patients with history similar to mine. However, 4 of the 6 went on to get pg. It's not a lot of data to compare, but I feel good about the high success rate. 

He said the biggest risk is being put under anesthesia. I'm not too concerned about it (done it many times with no complications). And, if it works, it's worth the extra surgery. Recovery time is just a day or two.

- The plan is to time the next IVF cycle the following month (likely November), so that my lining will be receptive to our embyros. In previous cycles, our embryos looked good, they just had a hard time attaching (2 previous chem pgs).

Speaking of embryos, I don't generally produce many follicles. My FSH is fine, but my response is low-moderate (only 8 mature in IVF #1). Tentativeley, we'll stay on gonal f (I'm near the max dose), use less menopur and add letrozole (anyone used this?). (I think I've got that right...)

We asked the RE to treat this cycle as if it were our last chance for IVF. While I don't want to give up on having a biological child, DH and I have been discussing the million dollar question - where do you draw the line? Emotionally, physically and, especially, financially, I know we need to think about a plan B.

Since we are not personally open to using a donor, we're thinking more about adoption. Today, my heart is a lot more open to the idea than it was a year ago. My DH is even starting to come around on the idea too. We've always thought adoption is a beautiful, selfless thing other people do. Recently, we've been learning through some friends who adopted 1.5 years ago that it is possible to love a child that is not genetically your own. BTW, our friends have two biological children, and will soon be adding #4 to their family via international adoption. 

Ladies, I welcome your feedback on any of the above.

I pray for those of you still on this long, heart-breaking journey and I rejoice with you who have/or will soon have your miracle(s).

Love and hugs to all,

Allison

If I haven't said it here before, my DH is the BEST! Over the past 10 years of marriage, we have grown to love each other more than the day we were married. He is my rock and is often too concerned about taking care of me to share emotion of his own.

Today, I am saddened for him. He lost his father to cancer 11 years ago, and I wanted so badly for him to be able to enjoy THIS Father's Day.

My dad and step-mom have been traveling and, yesterday, they were close enough to stop in and stay the night with us (we live about 4 hours apart). We enjoyed their brief visit. When they left, my DH wished my dad a "Happy Father's Day." They have a good relationship, so it was not usual for him to do this. It just made me so sad for him.

So, with no father of his own and no children of his own, my DH is all alone (except for me) on this day that millions of men throughout the world are celebrating. As with Mother's Day, we opted not to attend church today. It's just too emotionally exhausting. 

He's not really interesting in doing much today (besides it's TOO hot!). So, we're enjoying the day just being in the same room with each other watching movies. 

Here's hoping DH will have a big reason(s) to celebrate next Father's Day.

Hi friends!

Just thought I'd check in during the half way point of my 2ww. The first week has flown by (not the usual). Most of you know may know, this past Monday I was in a car accident (someone hit me). This was also the day of our 5th IUI. I've been so busy dealing with post-accident stuff, it has made the first week of the 2ww go by very fast.

Which leads me on to other things accident-related...the accident left me with what the dr calls "lumbar strain." He thought after 3 days, I would be feeling much better, and within 5-7 days, I would be back to normal. Tomorrow is day 7 since the accident, and I'm still experiencing A LOT of pain in my lower back.

The dr encouraged me to remain active and thought it would help with the soreness. I went to work last week, and completely overdid it. So, the next day, I only worked 1/2 day. I'm trying to only do what I can tolerate. But, I don't know how long this will last (and I'm getting a little nervous).

The pain is usually very bad at night when I try to sleep. I think this is because my body is resting and I don't have any other stimulus. And, to top it off, I'm not getting much sleep.

Since I am in my 2ww, my RE has only authorized me to take a mild pain reliever (low dose Percocet, includes acetaminophen) and muscle relaxer (Flexeril). If I were not in the 2ww, I would probably feel better by taking an anti-inflammatory med, but my RE said they are off limits until my beta.

My beta is Friday, June 19. I know it is not worth the risk to take anything else before we know whether or not I am pg. I'm just so frustrated over this whole accident and everything it has caused (if only the young woman had been paying attention!). I can't help but think, IF I am pg, how is this back problem going to affect the pregnancy? And, if I'm not pg, how did the accident affect the potential pregnancy? I will always wonder about this.

Sorry for rambling, but just needed to get some thoughts out. For the record, I was feeling super excited and confident about the IUI up until the point of the accident. Now, I'm just indifferent.

I hope all of you are doing well. Hugs to all!

Alli