1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning …
1/9/07, It is 2:23 a.m. meaning it is another sleepless night. I still have trouble believing that I developed …
Join Now
WhiteDolphin 
1:17am Yesterday
I am so depressed!!!!!!!!! I thought I was doing okay, but I'm not. All of a sudden today, I'm very very depressed....
What I had been doing was distracting myself from what I really need to focus on...which is what to do for money when disability ends in 7 weeks.
I'm also depressed because we have to go to my brother-in-law's birthday party tomorrow... I hate dealing with any family events anymore..However, I want to go, but I don't want to stya long and I don't want to hear any stupid comments! I don't want to defend my illness. I don't want to waste my energy by faking feeling fine and being happy.
I don't want to go in as myself and sit quietly in pain either.
I do not want advice on how to feel better.
I don't want to be questioned on when is my next doc appointment or when am I going back to work...
I just don't really know how to interact with "normals" anymore.
I'm very depressed because I'm lonely also. No "real" friends...just online friends... Everyone else has their own life and I'm just left behind as if I had died....
Other that that..I feel horrible tonight. I'm have been having very PMS-like moodiness and cramps..bloating ..the works...even though my period ended yesterday.. if it was a period. It was 5 days of terrible cramps, bloating, fatigue and just spotting.. So.. I'm worried about my gynelogical issues. Don't wanna go to the obgyn who says "you just need to lose weight."....or "the only thing we can do is prescribe birth control pills or just continue taking Metformin"...
Metformin makes me feel shittier than I already feel... I'm not taking it anymore. I tried it long enough, it is not working, it makes me feel worse, it depletes my B-12.. It's simply not worth it!
I've felt better not taking it. For those of you who do not know.. I take Metformin ( a diabetes medicine) because I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome.). Docs think that pcos is due to insulin resistance (prediabetes) and taking the meds will reduce the insulin and therefore regulate the hormones and have normal periods, ovulation. and reduce my risk of uterine cancer....which I had a bad scare about earlier this year.
Ugh... I am so frustrated I just don't know what to do about the OBGYN stuff.
I'm just plain sick of doctoring all together! So much money and they spend very little time with us. I go to the doc for the same problem over and over and over and over again... it's ridiculous!
I'm gonig to bed it's 2:30am. Maybe I"ll have sweet dreams and wake up feeling good tomorrow. I love to dream...it's my only escape.
Comments
You might also like ...
I've given up the idea of ever …
I've given up the idea of ever being "pain free" or "feeling normal" it took a few years. And i …
Near the community where I live, …
Near the community where I live, there is a parent support group that meets every month. This was extremely helpful …
Sweet dreams White Dolphin.
kudzu
I'm so sorry hun and I know what you mean about not having any real friends anymore. I don't either, just cyber friends I've met online.
I also know what you mean about the social functions and being asked about or forced to defend/explain your illness. That really sucks. I usually just change the subject or say I don't want to talk about it...
Anyhoo. I hope you will feel a little better after some sleep. Wishing you good dreams...
~shell
wannabewell
You don't know how to interact with the "normals" anymore? We're your "normals" now sweetie.
You don't have to defend yourself. Just practice being quiet around those that don't understand, don't want to understand or that cannot cope with what you have because that would mean trying to understand.
I hope this helps. I suffer depression too. At times it is because I'm not who I used to be & I don't like living in this fibro world. But I have no other choice but try & accept who I am & what I deal with.
Best wishes...Please just know that you are not alone.
LesleeJay
I'm sorry you are going through this. I was feeling exactly like you only a fortnight ago, I had been going down for months and had finally hit rock bottom. I went to my doc and am on an antidepressant which has helped immensely. I have been severely depressed a few times in my life and know precisely what you are feeling. If you don't want to go to your family thing, then just don't go. I would go and see your GP, as soon as possible, and work out something for you to feel better.
On the Metformin issue - I may be totally wrong, but instead of taking that medication that reduces your insulin, you could try a diabetic diet? I am on this diet and feel a lot better for it.
You can come and vent any time you like. We are all here for you.
Ness
nessnz
IM SAD READING YOUR SAD...SWEET DREAMS,,I ESCAPE INTO MINE,,THATS WHAT THERE FOR,,THEY REST OUR ROUBLED MINDS,,AND STROKE THE SOUL,,GOD BLESS.XXX
dideede
I think we all know exactly how you feel.
You have to force yourself to look at the good things in life.
Everyday try to think of something that it is good in your life. Know matter how little it is.
You arent alone, we all are fibro sisters and only we know how each other feel.
DDntn
awww.. isnt this so hard hun...I know how this can just take the wind out of all of us.. we confine ourselves due to this illness..im only confine from pain.. not too many good days.. but i try to do my best everyday...Im going thru terrible menopause rt now and the combo of ddd, diabetes,arthritis,fibro and yes good ole menopause..think my body is flipping out...depression is almost expected in this whirlwind of pain.. sometimes dont know how we get thru each day.. but somehow we do.. I dont have any freinds either.. just online ones.. seems alot of us have lost friends due to this stuff.. but im glad i do have ds freinds...I use my faith everyday to get thru ... I wish i had a magic wand to wipe all of our pain and medial issue away.. I sincerely hope you feel better soon hun.. you have alot of freinds here.. many hugs.. :)
Trish50
we are here and babe, we DO understand...I have had similar feelings...I agree with Leslee J's comments and the others here--we are your friends--talk to us...fibro sisters...lean on us, rest your head hun....
rabbitsruleagain
I go back and forth with this...sometimes I do OK...somedays I am deep within the depression pool...
it can all get so very Overwhelming at times...
I Miss haveing a friend...i do have some people that I hang out with..but I am always my Fake self with them...falsly cheery and all that...I miss having someone to just be close with again...
Hugs for you this day...I am sorry you are where I have been...lonely place to be...
DakotaRose