Journal

havent met anyone yet, thank goodness I did buy me a new home and have been busy decorating, met a new neighbor friend

I have been having some anxiety , I can feel the muscles in my back that are so tight, maybe because of the stress from moving

anyway been trying to get some friends together for the beach, no-one is interested they all take vacations with there families

its been 2 yrs and I have really worked thru myself to be stonger , pleased with that, however I do wish for some male companionship. its been a few years since someone just held my hand and the loneliness sometimes makes me cry, so I try to say a prayer and keep on doing other things-any advice

well lets say March had its ups and downs, made it a month without memories of the past, decided to stop en-abling my family when you slapped in the face repeatedly for trying to help, when you give a opinion of how to make it btter no-one is interested ,but if you give them money or furniture ,pay a bill, your car they LOVE you, so Im better with it, my son and I have made a little progress of  talking more, hes finally doing well enough to support hisself, I have such a problem understanding the selfish people in the world, everyone seems so self centered and dont have any values ,

 I did get great news on my heart tests this month after having a heart attack in Jan I have been taking better care of myself, eating healthier and going to cardio rehab 3 times a week and my eachocardiogram showed mt heart was healing great, I dogo back to the Dr. april 21 and will get a update on the future of putting in 2 more stints

 I still do not like where I live ,I just hate a townhouse, I miss my house so bad with the yard, in so many ways ,i feel like I did in 1991 .losing my home, trying to find a job, and being divorced and now I feel like that 10 year battle to get back up the ladder to accomplish that goal I had --finally was accomplished and it wasnt easy alot of hard work and sacrifice made it possible to buy a home and be happy, and now here I go again, less friends ,living in a strange place, no job, and to old to do bar scenes and dancing to get out and meet people, I love how people just move on with there lives and you feeel so alone, On a brighter note I know the economy is hard on alot of people and I am thankfull for what I do have, it is alot more than some folks and that I least have a little savings left after the stock market plunged and I have lost half of it, God didnt say life was always easy, you take the bad with the good, Once in ahile I still second guess myself if I made the right decisions? or am I not having enough patience? My life is really lonely and it would nice to have a male companion sometimes, 2 yrs. is a long time ,and the internet dating is not for me and I find it harder to meet men now than before, well all is still good, and I shall keep on one day at a time, my goals for april  are to quit smoking and to start dating hopefully and to continue to make my health number one priority