Journal

Well, took Rich's advice, and have been more confrontational about my feelings with frank. And as a result...we've been fighting off and on since Thursday! Isn't that just fantastic...now my anxiety and depression are worse. Guess Frank can't handle my honesty...idk...one fight started b/c I asked him to do the dishes, and he said "that's not fair." I knew right away what he was referring to. Because he pays the bill I should do everything else. But he has told me time and again it's ok..not to worry about it. That crap really pisses me off. I feel like I'm indebted to him and should always keep my mouth shut, but Rich says thats bull..if he has offered to support me while in school, he shouldn't be making these comments. But I see it as being how he really feels, which makes me feel even worse. Sometimes he is so sweet..others he is such a bastard.

On the brighter side of things...I got a phone call from the college today telling me I was nominated by the Computer Dept. and the Criminal Justice Department for a Criminal Justice scholarship. That was fantastic news. I have been invited to attend a recognition breakfast next month and can bring my mom and Frank. I'm pretty excited about that.

Saw Rich(Therapist) today. I didn't really get to focus on what I wanted  to talk about. He seemed to cling to what I first told him for the whole session. I really wanted to talk about how my anxiety symptoms have eased since the doctor increased my Cymbalta, but that my depression is much worse. I feel numb, just going through the motions of life.

So we ended up talking about Frank the whole time and how he was miserable on our trip (my idea) to Massachusetts last weekend. I wanted to go to Stockbridge and walk around to check out the shops. Frank acted miserable the whole time, huffing and puffing the whole ride there.

Rich says I need to be more confrontational with my feelings and anger at the time I feel them. He says I should have said something to Frank that day when he was acting the way he did.

Regardless, I talked to Frank about it when I got home, and he claims he wasn't acting miserable, that he had fun. I replied by telling him he sure acted like he was miserable, that was the vibe I got from him. It made the trip miserable for me, and I had really been looking forward to it. The conversation ended in an argument, and we haven't talked since.

Pretty much looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I won't have to deal with this, and we will most likely be so busy, I won't have time to think about it either. Not really looking forward to going to Pennsylvania this weekend with Frank and his work buds and their wives. I don't know any of them, and he keeps mentioning how they are going to "smoke" (pot). Joy! Let's go all the way to Penn. to smoke pot! That's mature! Hopefully it will suprise me and turn out to be a good trip.