Wasn't meant to be
November 2, 2009 4:03pm
Well, I did my job training, and I did two of my shifts... but I honestly just was not getting that job. It wasn't a good fit, I …
Progress
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Brenda9
5:53pm, June 23, 2009
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About Me
Brenda9
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About Me
I'm a stay at home mom/wife who is currently building a web business. I'm on the winning side in my battle against Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. I am married (common-law) and have one teenage son. I'm fun and have a great sense of humour, I love the outdoors, I love animals (currently I have a litter-trained pet rabbit and an Australian Bearded Dragon). Would love to have a dog. And horses too! Who knows what the future might bring?
I'm a stay at home mom/wife who is currently building a web business. I'm on the winning side in my battle against Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. I am married (common-law) and have one teenage son. I'm fun and have a great sense of humour, I love the outdoors, I love animals (currently I have a litter-trained pet rabbit and an Australian Bearded Dragon). Would love to have a dog. And horses too! Who knows what the future might bring?
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Website
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Interests
Art, graphic design, sciences of all kinds, writing, martial arts, movies, singing, horseback riding, genealogy, scrap booking, jewellery making and other crafts. I used to work for Michael's Arts and Crafts - just loved it there! I also used to work for a Gemmologist and millionaire, who saw a future career in gemmology for me... but it didn't work out that way. PS... just so you all know, the words jewellery, gemmology and humour are spelled correctly, just not the American way (jewelry, gemology, humor). Yeah, I'm a stickler for spelling errors too!
Art, graphic design, sciences of all kinds, writing, martial arts, movies, singing, horseback riding,
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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1 hug given, 1 journal post
Tuesday
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Brenda9 gave moonstar a sympathy 10:28am
I'm so sorry you're not doing well Moonstar. Remember, nature heals you and you love art... fill your…
November 2
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Brenda9 wrote a journal entry: Wasn't meant to be 4:03pm
Well, I did my job training, and I did two of my shifts... but I honestly just was not getting that job.…
October 21
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Brenda9 gave TekJoe a moment of peace 12:00pm
Hey Joe - how are ya? I start a new job in a few days here - my first since being agoraphobic, thank…
October 5
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Brenda9 commented on sadandlonelyalot’s journal entry Journal Entry for October 5, 2009 10:18pm
Why can't you breathe very good? Is this an emotional thing... or does this have to do with the lump?…
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Brenda9 gave sadandlonelyalot a moment of peace 10:15pm
Thank you! I am feeling a bit better after a very long nap this afternoon. Hopefully I'll be feeling…
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Journal
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This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
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See You Later
been a while stranger, just thought I would stop by and say hi.
~Joe 
Moment of Peace
Have some peace and happiness today.
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Get Well Soon!
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Ray of Sunshine
thought maybe youd want some sunshne
Little Love
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Panic Attacks
Have had panic attacks since early teens. For a few years (premenopause?) I was extremely bad. Unable to work, agoraphobic. Feared line-ups, closed spaces, traffic and traffic lights, crowds, being alone, heights, dentists, doctors, medications, social functions. Basically any situation where I was not in 100% control. Which was just about everything. Am much better now though, thanks to my last therapist.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Worked well the first time used. Developed fear of medications and was unable to take for a long time. Now, I just prefer non-drug therapy. Drugs aren't the be-all and the end-all, and in my opinion should be an absolute last resort.
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- First time, it worked well. Last time I used it, I had a very bad reaction - I got worse instead of better, and I went off of it (without doctor's okay) and went through severe withdrawal. Again - drugs as a last resort.
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Meditate as much as possible. "Mindfulness" is very effective. I also like to picture myself beside a stream, on a warm spring day. I'm sitting under a tree, smiling and looking at the trees and clouds and birds. I look across the stream, and I see a white horse. It's so beautiful and makes me feel free.
- Patience Working / Worked
- Without it, Panic Disorder would be very hard to beat!
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Without it, I'd be dead! Keeping positive is the base for winning the war against panic.
- Prayer Working / Worked
- I try to talk to God every day, and not just to ask for help, but to thank Him for what he's already given me personally, and the human race. Even on the worst days, there's something to thank Him for.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Previous therapists were unsuccessful with me. But, my last one was fantastic! He's the one who turned me onto "Mindfulness", and who made me understand myself and my thought patterns - not typical thought patterns of most people, but MY OWN. We're all unique, and need to be seen as such.
Close Anxiety
I suffer from severe Anxiety/Panic disorder and Depression. I also have had problems with OCD, eating disorders, drugs and alcohol (distant past). I am currently at my worst in this life-long struggle which started when I was about 14 (I am now 41). I am nearly housebound and am unable to work due to the disorder.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Worked the first time I used it, but I have since developed a phobia of medications and am unable to take anything at all. I did not have side effects from it at all.
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- What's the difference between this and Breathwork??? Maybe I should have filled out this one instead of the other one.
- Breathwork Working / Worked
- It works - in fact it is probably the most effective method to overcoming anxiety and panic that I have ever tried.
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- Again, worked the first time. The second time I tried it, it had the opposite effect on me, and I got worse instead of better. I had major side effects, and was bed ridden for two weeks. The first time I took it, I had NO side effects.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- I like to picture myself on a warm Spring day by a stream watching my surroundings. I look across the stream and see a beautiful white horse. The sight makes me feel free.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Difficult to do, but I try my best and it helps when I get it right.
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- Usually when I am having a fullblown panic attack I say the Lords Prayer over and over. Normally I am not a very religious person at all. I think I do this more out of desperation than anything else.
Open Bisexuality
Not much to tell... 42, married and bisexual. Husband knows, and is okay with it. Don't have a w/w relationship right now. Just want to talk to others like me.
Open Menopause
I'm 43, and have been exhibiting pre-menopausal symptoms for about 3 years. It's gotten worse over the last year, and I now have hot flashes. I'm not on anything.
Open Sleep Apnea
I snore like a drunken Swedish logger, so loudly that I keep the entire household up. It's a big joke in my whole family, in and outside of the house! Sometimes I wake up feeling like I'm choking.
