Journal Entry for February 2, 2008
February 2, 2008 11:44pm
Progress
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About Me
lookahead
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About Me
FIRST OFF:: I HAVE TO WARN YOU:: I AM MAJORLY A.D.D.-ISH* ***************************** I have some issues I'm just trying to make better/deal with. So, t hat's whyI'm here. Also, part of why I'm here, obviously, to talk to people I can relate to, and to have fun getting to know the people here. :) most everyone seems helpful, and sweet, for the most part. ****************************** AboutMe::: Well, I am a senior in high school, and I am trying to raise my grades, so that iw ill be able to graduate. This is the only year I have ever failed, so horribly, in my classes. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I have some major physical pain going on, and anxiety which contributes to that, among other things (such as family stress, and etc). Well, things that help de-stressatize my life are music, food, friends, exercise, movies, the mall, and tv shows. I love watching Oprah, The Hills, and the Daily Show with John Stewart! and, i love all types of music, for the most part. also, i'm very easy to get along with, and i am a likable and nice person, and i've heard that from many ppl, (besides my little brother), so i just assume that I really must be nice, and likable? lol. :) Anyway though.. I used to be really really depressed, but i've been working on dealing with it, and what helps the best is to help other ppl, make other ppl laugh, and/or think about my good qualities, i've learned. even when ppl are really bringing me down. that's actually when it's the most helpful. But, anyway, as you can see, i love to chit chat. :) so, if you want, we could talk? or, we could even be friends? lol. i most likely wouldn't mind.
FIRST OFF:: I HAVE TO WARN YOU:: I AM MAJORLY A.D.D.-ISH* ***************************** I have some issues I'm just trying to make better/deal with. So, t hat's whyI'm here. Also, part of why I'm here, obviously, to talk to people I can relate to, and to have fun getting to know the people here. :) most everyone seems helpful, and sweet, for the most part. ****************************** AboutMe::: Well, I am a senior in high school, and I am trying to raise my grades, so that iw ill be able to graduate.
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Interests
I like:::: hanging out with friends, going to the movies/mall, writing, drawing, reading, dancing, acting, singing, working out, jogging, listning to music, going to concerts, meeting new ppl, learning abt diff. cultures (i plan on having my minor be spanish)!! Also, I love helping people. And, animals.I also plan on writing a book or two. And, like I said, I love talking to ppl, esp. if you have good advice for me!! (keep that in mind.) ;)****************************
I like:::: hanging out with friends, going to the movies/mall, writing, drawing, reading, dancing, acting,
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Journal
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
Little Love
hope you are having a great week. sorry for not sending messages of hugs for a while. still dealing with a lot of pain and not feeling like myslf lately because oif the serious car accident i was in last November, which almost cost me my life. i will try to be on ds more often. Terry xxx
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Hug
hope you are having a super week and that you will have a great weekend. Terry
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Hug
hope you are having a super week. Terry
Flower
I hope you have a good week. I am keeping you in my prayers. I am sorry I haven't been on in a long time but I haven't had the internet for a while. Big Hug Just me Cindylou
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Hug
hope you're having a great day. Terry
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Photos
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Goals
View all in progress Goals
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
Well, I used to cut. I used to overexercise. I used to over eat. I used to be bulemic. I used to be anorexic. I used to be a bully (verbally). I used to drive ppl away, purposely. IDK, i'm pretty sure that's it. I just dont want to fall into the same behavior, since i will be moving out soon.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Considering
- i would love to do that, but i haven't... yet.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- it works, a lot. i have a psychologist, however, who knows what she is talking about; she can help.
- Talking Working / Worked
- helps me a lot alot alot. esp. knowing other ppl are there to help/relate to.
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
well, i've been emotionally/mentally abused ever since my parents divorced, when i was around nine, and i'm a senior in high school now, almost 18, and i just want it to end. i feel i'm too old for this bullshit. and i am getting sick of putting up with it, but i'm trying really hard to deal with it all and not let it get to me, esp since i have to pass this year. it's hard, and i need support, basically. oh, andi have been a little bit abused, physically, as well, (not constant)
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- it helped me a lot. through letting go. and forgiving.
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- it helps more than any other thing, i coudl ever think to do, in my life. once you forgive your abusers, you are free from the abuse they've afflicted upon you; you can't let it haunt you/control your life. at least, not forever.
- Leave Working / Worked
- i wish. lol. it would work, but it's not possible, at the moment. but leaving, just with freinds for a weekend, or whatever, works wonders. :)
- Music Working / Worked
- helps me ESCAPE!
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- it is helping me a lot, through figuring out how to retain self control. and vent. and make the right choices, at the moment.
- Talking Working / Worked
- works very well. esp. with ppl who can help (obviously) i feel like i can escape that way, into my words sometimes, and my goals.
Open Back Pain
I get horrible back pain, it's really really bad.
Treatments
- Ibuprofen Working / Worked
- ehhh
- Relaxation Working / Worked
- helps. somewhat.
- Stretching Somewhat Helpful
- helps, somewhat.
Open Hives
i break out in them whenever i am nervous, stressed, or allergic.
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- helps, a lot.
Open Sex / Pornography Addiction
i have been using it as an escape, for a really long time now, and i want to stop my habits before they get even more out of hand, or before i get older, and it gets harder to deal with, esp. since i am a senior this year.
Open Diets & Weight Maintenance
I have either not exercised at all, or exercised too much. help. need to maintain.. a healthy pattern.
Treatments
- Counting Calories Somewhat Helpful
- gets me obsessive. eh. idk. sorta but then not.
- Dancing Working / Worked
- yeah.
- Eating Healthier Foods Working / Worked
- it works when i'm committed.
- Eat Less Somewhat Helpful
- hmm.. idk... ?? it sort of did.. but then somedays i got hungrier. idk..
- Physical Exercise Somewhat Helpful
- distracted me from food.
Open Panic Attacks
i'm scared to do anything, some days.? (family)
Treatments
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- eh.?
- Patience Working / Worked
- works wonders.. you don't stress yourself out as much about things when you're making yourself more patient.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- helps a lot.
Open Bisexuality
i just recently have been trying to become more comfortable with being bi. but i have a lot of issues in my life.. so it's hard to deal with being 'open' about it. also, some emotional baggage, let's say.. from past relationships. one girl that i messed around with (but we were friends and i cared alot about her) well she killed herself when i was 15. and it's been hard to deal with still, b/c i never dealt with it right.
Open Bereavement
well, someone i was close to committed suicide about 3 and a half years ago, now, and i still haven't completley gotten over/dealt with it. also, my grandmother just passeda way, and she was pretty much my rock. i miss her more than anything. it's just.. something i dont want to at all accept. when i was younger, i used to wish that death was just a joke, and that it would never happen to the people i cared about, ya know?
Treatments
- Crying Considering
- i've considered it, but i haven't been able to cry since either of their funerals.
- Getting Angry Working / Worked
- it helped with my friend.. because i was so angry at the fact that she committed suicide. but, since i couldn't be angry at my grandma.. idk.. i guess i am angry.. that it happened anyway though. i guess it's natural to be.. and it helps to scream, or let it all out once in a while, i beleive.
- Grief Counseling Considering
- it would prob. really help me get past a lot of the stuff that is in my head still.
- Helping Others Working / Worked
- always makes me feel like wahtever is going on in my life is not horrible, as long as i can help someone else.
- Keeping Busy Working / Worked
- makes me forget about what's going on around me. it's nice.
- Music Working / Worked
- helps me escape the feelings of greif.
- Pets Working / Worked
- helps.
- Poetry Working / Worked
- gets alot out. and, you dont take your words/thoughts as seriously, i dont think, because there are a lot of metaphors, and etc. in writing.
- Prayer Working / Worked
- helps with the healing process, forgiveness, consolation, and closure.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- helps fig. things out.
- Reading Working / Worked
- expands your imagination/thoughts in a healthy direction, (the present).
- Remembering Working / Worked
- helps a lot.. you don't want to forget that person. i learned the hard way.. by trying to erase the memory of my longtime friend. it just didn't work out the way i wanted/hoped for.
- Scrapbooking Working / Worked
- even though this sounds weird, it was actually really really fun.. although sad at times.. it was mostly good for me,becuase i went through all these pictures, and i found all the good memories and pictures that i wanted for my scrapbook and just put them altogether!
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- helps.. a lot.
- Talking Working / Worked
- gets a lot out.. just don't talk about it too much.. because then youw ill just start to dwell. unless you cant stop thinking about it, that day. then, focus on all the good things.
Open Teen Anxiety
i'm anxious ?
Open Phobia
Type: Social PhobiaI am afraid of a lot of things in life. Authority, peers, myself sometimes (even though i know i can rely/trust myself more than anyone else), the dark, being alone, being forgotten/not cared about/dropped, rejection, etc.
Treatments
- Acceptance Somewhat Helpful
- it gets depressing.. but it helps, (in baby steps)
Open Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
it's been getting better, but for a hwile it was raelly ruining my life, and yes i know, i'm making spelling errors. lol. anyway, it's getting better because of benefiber.
Treatments
- High Fiber Diet Working / Worked
- yes.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
well, to start off, my brother choked me the other day, and has begun calling me names all the time, and trying to start something for no reason, considering i'm always trying to just talk/be nice to him.. my parents are crazy (so is my step mom), there have been a couple deaths in my life, (they were very imoprtant ppl), and my ex-bf turned out to be sooo much more fucked up than i thought he was/he abused me, (mentally/emotionally), and much more..
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- gets deep feelings/desires/wishes out of your mind, and on paper.
- Music Working / Worked
- helps escape.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- helps fig. out how to solve prob.s and why things are the way they are.
- Reading Working / Worked
- helps me think and sort things out.
- Talking Working / Worked
- helps me sort out the thoughts in my head. and, feel at ease, with ppl/someone to talk.
Open Family Issues
family.. ughhghhhh.
Treatments
- Family Therapy Not Working
- things are still pretty much the same if not worse. my parents are just really stubborn and stupid, at once. so, it's a bad combination.
- Music Working / Worked
- helps sooo much. i can pretend like they dont even exist when i'm escaping into music.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- really helps, a lot, in finding the right things to say/ways to respond to their craziness!!
- Talking Working / Worked
- helps a lot, too. i love people, and socialzing, even though sometimes ppls' secret intentions may freak me out a bit, considering i'm no mind reader.
- Writing Working / Worked
- helps, unless they find out where it's kept, and then they'll read it. so, i sometimes just write things down, to vent, and then throw them away.
Open Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
for the past couple of years (i'm 17 right now) ive had to put up with having carpal tunnel, and, basically, it just sucks.
Open Migraine Headaches
somestimes they get so bad (idk if it is just from stress or what?) but they get so bad sometimes, that i can't even think straight. i can't even put into words the pain it sometimes causes.
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- too much coffee, for instance, isn't good for me.
Open Environmental Allergies
Type of allergy: Pollenit clogs up my senses, and my brain.. hard to think, in school, etc.
Treatments
- Clarinex Working / Worked
- worked amazing for me. but i'm not taking that right now.
- Nasonex Somewhat Helpful
- just started using it. somedays it seems to help. other days, it seems not to really make a difference, but i think overall it is helping.
- Zyrtec Working / Worked
- working a bit, i've just started using it.
Open Anger Management
I have a lot a lot alot of anger, directly related to my mom, and my brother.. and my dad.. and my stepmom. oh, and a little bit my step brother, because he used to bully me around when we were younger, although we get along fine now. still.. i am a really forgiving person, but i have these issues, because it's so hard to sometimes even feel like forgiving someone, usually, if they've really hurt you, and i don't want to take my anger out on the ppl around me, (friends, etc.)
Open Insomnia
i get really bad insomnia, because i just don't feel safe/appreciated/respected at home, and it sometimes gets to me, and brings me down, a bit. it also makes it hard to trust others, or to even trust falling asleep, without any harm coming to me, or my parents finding something out abotu me that is less than perfect. (they really really really expect me to be perfect. every time i make a mistake, (just small ones), they act like i've murdered somebody.
Treatments
- Reading Working / Worked
- helps me escape and envision what i wish my life were like, but what i know will not hapepn. oh well, i've learned to accept it.
Open Eating Disorders
I used to be anorexic, and bulemic, (13-15 yr.s old). before that, i over ate and over exercised, (9-13). Although, I am trying hard not to fall into old habits, once more, i know once you've had an e.d., it stays with you forever. that's also what i hear from many other ppl who have had e.d. and well, i just want to make sure i have it under control. and i need support to help me keep things that way. also, i love helping others.. sooo.. yeah. :)
Treatments
- Prozac Working / Worked
- working
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- it works. helps me deal.
Open War & Terrorism
i just have really strong opinions/views on what is going on in the world, today, and i love to speak my mind. i hate it when ppl try to silence me.
Open Teen Sexuality
how to show sexuality, in responsible/mature ways.. (i know how, but it just sometimes feels too hard to show my sexuality, RESPONSIBLY some days). Also, how to get a friend to express/feel mature/comfortable with her sexuality. (in a healthy way)--i worry a lot about her!!
Open Breakups & Divorce
let's just sya that the aftermath of my parents divorce didnt go so well, esp not for me!!
Treatments
- Family Therapy Working / Worked
- works, step by step, with dealing with the fact taht they did divorce, ya.
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- helps a lot, in seeing that things can be put in the past.
- Leave Working / Worked
- walking away from yoru issues.. is not running away, that is what i would say.
- Love Working / Worked
- loving yourself more than anyone else.. that helps me, in finding that i'm important to someone, (me).
- Music Working / Worked
- helps me escape.
- Pets Working / Worked
- help me feel able.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- helps the most, i just dont want to become dependant on it.
- Reading Working / Worked
- helps fig. things out.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- helps the most.. knwoing i have support i can rely on!
- Talking Working / Worked
- helps a lot--vent--let things go!!
- Time Working / Worked
- helps alot alot alot.. through time, one can learn to forgive, and fig. themselves out the most.
Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
well, since everything else around me (aka my crazy family/general home life) felt/still feels out of my control, i have formed many diff. obsessions with this disorder. 1, when i was little, i used to not let myself EVER jump on a crack. 2, i always said / / / for diff. words that meant the same thing. 3.I used to absolutely NEED my room to be perfect, and no one could touch anything. 4, the alphabet. 5,counting #s. 6, s sounds, and f's, etc.(i'd repeat them cert.amnt. of times,) etc.
Treatments
- glimepiride Not Working
- obviously.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionthis is my worst thing i'm dealing with. i wish i wasn't so depressed. i love talking to ppl, for ex., but i don't even feel like i have the energy for it, usually. even online, so i always take like forever responding to ppl. i just.. idk?? i guess am trying todeal but dont know how exactly.
Treatments
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Prozac Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Writing Working / Worked
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- best thing youy could do for yourslef.
