I love my life but...
November 19, 2009 10:15am
I love my life,
but hate my circumstance!
I love that I can see the road in front of my,
but hate that it keeps crumbling under my feet!
I …
Progress
75 %
Jcurly
12:49pm Yesterday
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About Me
Jcurly
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About Me
Even if it is sappy I still must say, I am married to my lover & best friend. My husband & I have been together for 18 yrs. We love our nieces & nephews enjoy the fun we have, are the BEST Aunt & Uncle, but... We dream of being parents. Miscarriage and infertility have made our dream difficult to achieve. I am a Play Therapist; I counsel children & families. I love my work & consider myself blessed to know that I get to use my gifts. My mom tells people I went to school to learn to play, yes that is the best part, I do have the 'funnest' of offices!
Even if it is sappy I still must say, I am married to my lover & best friend. My husband & I have been together for 18 yrs. We love our nieces & nephews enjoy the fun we have, are the BEST Aunt & Uncle, but... We dream of being parents. Miscarriage and infertility have made our dream difficult to achieve. I am a Play Therapist; I counsel children & families. I love my work & consider myself blessed to know that I get to use my gifts. My mom tells people I went to school to learn to play, yes that
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Interests
We have a hyper 2 yr old chocolate lab, Guinness (DH has him convinced he is a lap dog) & a petite kitty, Tinker. I enjoy painting (trying to do more of this!), reading, friends & family. I took up crochet, trying to relax and do something with my hand while I unwind & watch a little TV in the evening, it works! (most of the time) I also am a 'wanna be' yoga' student... I 'want' to put it on my list of 'things for me' again soon!!!
We have a hyper 2 yr old chocolate lab, Guinness (DH has him convinced he is a lap dog) & a petite kitty,
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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22 hugs given, 15 hugs received, 9 journal comments, 2 journal posts, 1 photo comment
Today
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Jcurly gave FNP a prayer 10:59pm
Thank you for all your kind words of support! I will accept with great appreceation any prayers... from…
Yesterday
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Jcurly updated their status 12:49pm
will sched tumor to be removed 1st wk Dec RE reviewed the pathology & says...…
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Jcurly commented on jptobe’s journal entry You know how I feel? 9:43am
sexy red dress... glass of wine... mmm, ya know how I feel! That is inspiration! Thanks!!!…
Thursday
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Journal
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Hugbook
Hug
Yes. I have been studying hard too! My first beta came in at 314 and the second at 732. I didn't want to say anything until I knew my number doubled. Thanks for your prayers. I am praying for you too.
Hug
Thanks. I know you think of me. Take care Julie. I'm sorry it's a rough time. x
Superhero Status
You are a superhero to me. You have been thru so much and still give of yourself to others. How are you feeling missy???? xxoo What kind of test should I ask for? I wish we were both on the pregnancy board. Someday eh? Thank you for thinking of me!
Hug
I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm trying to hard to be thankful this holiday season, but after a year plus of trying for a baby and then a miscarriage, losing my job, and a bunch of family problems, I'm having a hard time. But I try to remember I am very blessed that my husband has a good job and we have a nice house and we have each other. A lot more than some people. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving :) It is great that you can see all the great things even thought its hard.
Prayer
Wishing you good answers and soon.
I can't think of any advice to give you, but will remind you that the hell your imaginations of "what if" will never be reality. I wish I had that looking glass so you can see that this time next year you'll be just fine and life will be on a better chapter.
Love and warmth, Jo Xx
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Infertility
I thought getting pg was easy, w/ 2 pgs unplanned/suprises. But w/over 5 yrs of ttc, have had 3 m/c (+1 9 yrs ago). Last pg March this yr was no fertility magic, just DH & I, thought this would be it but again I m/c at the end of the 1st Trimesters After almost 5 yrs & LOTS of test, both DH & I, all we were told was that we should keep trying that there was nothing that explained miscarriage or pregnancy. Then in Aug I finally found answers! 1. Insulin resistance 2. Folic Acid 3. Blood clotting
Treatments
- Acupuncture Working / Worked
- AMAZING!!! I feel loads better in many ways! During IVF I did 3x wk now just once a wk. Has had amazing results in improving my allergies & over all health is way better!
- Love Working / Worked
- I thank God that my husband loves & supports me. I truly know his first concern is me. He is always there to share his support & concern for me.
- Lupron Too Soon to Tell
- had headaches
- Metformin Too Soon to Tell
- Once I got past the tummy issues, I have noticed my metabolism is better, but not much else so stopped after a few months... New RE Dx insulin resistance & put me back on in Aug
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Acupuncture Working / Worked
- AMAZING!!! I feel loads better in many ways! During IVF I did 3x wk now just once a wk. Has had amazing results in improving my allergies & over all health is way better!
- Artificial Insemination Not Working
- Tried only 1 Even with 4 great follies & "Super turbo sperm," RE's words, still got a BFN
- Clomid Working / Worked
- 7 rounds, I responded well, ovulated several follies each time. I guess it worked, I responded to the meds with multiple follies BUT, still no BFP Will start again with next cycle
- Crying Somewhat Helpful
- cleansing, but because I wish I could say I feel 'better' after a cry, actually I just feel lighter.
- Folic Acid Working / Worked
- new RE recommends 4000 bc of foliate disorder
- Follistim Working / Worked
- 4-6 follies w/ IUI 8-10 w/ IVF
- hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) Not Working
- several times to 'force' plump follicles to release
- HSG (Hysterosalpingography) Working / Worked
- 2 m/c and my anxiety was very high. After this test, I was told by RE, "Well that isn't a problem... I guess that all that is left is to get pg again." Well I was hoping for a better answer, but I am thankful I am open & clear. Esp. after a myomectomy 2ys prior.
- Hysteroscopy Working / Worked
- In Vitro Fertilization Not Working
- early m/c BETAs too low
- Ovulation Predictor Kit Working / Worked
- so tiered of 'peeing on the stick'!
- Prayer Working / Worked
- if I hadn't accepted this as a spiritual journey I don't know how I could keep standing, let alone continue to move forward!
- Vitex Not Working
- an herbalist suggested this along with other herbal blends, noy yaking anymore
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- after the 2nd miscarriage the depression was a hole I did not want to be in. Been on a few times in recent years IT WORKED!!! but off all meds now
Close Miscarriage
5 pregnancies 3 miscarriages at end of 1st trimester, no live births Since I have had 2 pregnancies that were unplanned, I always thought getting pregnant wasn't the issue. But after now 5 yrs and only 3 pgs... I have lost 5 of my babies, & have no answers yet. It is so frustrating that the tests show nothing.
Treatments
- D&C Working / Worked
- yes, both times. 1st m/c dr wanted my body to take care of things 'naturally', but my hormones were so out of whack that we ended up doing one 4 months later.
- Grief Counseling Working / Worked
- HSG (Hysterosalpingography) Working / Worked
- 2 m/c and my anxiety was very high. After this test, I was told by RE, "Well that is't a problem... I guess that all taht is left is to get pg again." Well I was hoping for a better answer, but I am thankful I am open & clear. Esp. after a myomectomy 2ys prior.
- Love Working / Worked
- I thank God that my husband loves supports me. I truley know his first concern is me. He is always ther to share his support concern for me.
- Prayer Working / Worked
- if I hadn't accepted this as a spiritual journey I don't know how I could keep standing let alone continue to move forward!
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- 2nd time...
- Vitex Working / Worked
- an herbalist suggested this along with other herbal blends chaste tree wild yam as well as red raspberry... haven't gotten preg yet its been about 45 months
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionAlthough not talked about, my maternal Grfather had shock treatments in the50s or60s. I now realize durring childhood both parents were depressed, several times, also my siblings have experience depression. I am a mental health conselor & have struggled several times with depression. Once in 94 after my father's death, I took Prozac for a few months. I have been in counseling many times & find that very helpful. I have now been batteling depression due to m/c & infertility.
Treatments
- Lexapro Somewhat Helpful
- took for several months, then switched to wellbutrin
- Meditation Too Soon to Tell
- well I try...
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Not always easy to just 'feel better.'
- Prozac Working / Worked
- took in 1994
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- VERY helpful for me
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- hard admitting I am so down...
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- currently taking, I have noticed that I feel much worse when I have missed a dosage. (seems to also help with my anxiety)
- Acupuncture Working / Worked
Open Caring For Aging Parents
My step father just passed a wk ago. He was my mother's caregiver, she has MS. We are trying to gather info & figure out what we need to do next.
Open Pregnancy After Loss/Infertility
After 4 yrs ttc I have had 2 m/c. failed IUI & IVF with a chemical pg. Amazingly on a month of tracking ovulation out of obligation/ duty I we did the good old fashion BD, & I got my miracle! I am still in shock & dis belief!!! I am so very excited but it to ended in a m/c at about the 8th wk
