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LyndaJT 
4:51am
Something's in the water - but not the water I drink!
Hmmm. Why is it that sometimes everybody seems to bloody-well be falling pregnant?! I find there are times when not much is going on out there on the preggars front - then suddenly it seems like I am surrounded by The Fertiles.
So I'm feeling quite triggered today. Triggered that yesterday when I was in the gym a staff-member was off in labour having her second child. Everyone was so excited for her...
Then yesterday someone I know fairly well emailed me a scan of her baby-to-be. A first time Mum, I understood her joy and wonderment. I was okay with it at the time but I do think emails containing scans of babies ought to be seriously thought about when forwarding them to an infertile woman.
One of my close friends is due any day now - with her first child. I am excited for her - but sad for me, as I guess every time someone shares about their baby news I am reminded that this is news I won't be experiencing myself again.
I received a text a couple of days ago from another close friend telling me she is pregnant with her first. She is rapt as it was an unexpected pregnancy, in a way. She emailed today to say her and her husband had given up this year after trying for "a long time." Six - eight months is a long time? Hmmm...
I'm just a bit hurt and angry that my friends don't seem to take my feelings into consideration when telling me their baby news. Direct communication is the best way to deal with things - always - and especially as far as infertility is concerned. So I would rather I was phoned than texted or emailed about pregnancy stuff. I guess it is up to me to communicate how comfortable I am or aren't around pregnancy disclosure. Why are people so clueless or blinded by their own baby joy that they seemingly lose any sense of discretion when dealing with infertile women??
If it had been just one lot of pregnancy news this week, I would have been fine. But three lots? - the woman in labour, the scan of a baby and a text announcing a pregnancy - all a bit much in the space of two days for this infertile!!
I have a week to get myself sorted before my Dr's appointment. I want to draft a letter and think very carefully about what I want to achieve from that appointment - the one which will hopefully be the beginning of me seeking closure from SIF. Perhaps I'm feeling more vulnerable at the moment as I am having to deal with facing the grim reality around SIF while others around me get to bask in the glory of a new life being created. I feel some tears welling and may have a little cry when my husband gets home. It seems everyone else - or at least, a lot of women have been drinking out of the same water - but me, I remain well and truly parched.
from my blog: Praying for another shot at motherhood
Comments
Yes. That is a lot of baby news. Too much for 2 days! I found out last week that My cousins girlfriend is pregnant. He already has 3 kids that he don't take are of. Why does he keep producing them?? It really hurts me. Why do we have to go through this? I understand why you are feeling down. Maybe the rest of the week will be better. Do you have plans for Thanksgiving? Hugs to you.
wantnbaby
I know so much how you feel! But frankly, I'm more "triggered" by 4-5 years old kids, as that's the age my child number 2 would've been today, I'm pass the "baby" age.
Guess, we all have our own triggers. Good movie, anyone?..
H3412
Thanks wantnbaby and H3412 for your comments. Wantnbaby I live in New Zealand and Thanksgiving isn't a celebration here - I did enjoy celebrating Thanksgiving when I was in the US/Canada though. H3412 I do know what you mean about particular ages being a trigger - it is two year olds that trigger me regularly as that's the age our child would be now too if she'd made it. I think I am triggered by pregnancy news right now as there has been so much of it this week and because I am seeking closure and therefore having to face facts that I cannot conceive. Hmmm, a good movie sounds like a good plan! ;) x
LyndaJT
Dear Lynda,
I am really sorry you are having a rough week. It is tough when everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant. It is too bad that they are not being more sensitive towards your feelings and your pain. I feel the same way with my pregnant sister. Since she told me she was pregnant several months ago,besides offering to block me from her Facebook, she has never really taken into consideration how I might feel. I am supposed to go home for a wedding in Jan and I just emailed my mom to say we could not make it. I am not even going to explain why to her.
I think Christmas time is tough too for people trying to complete their families. We are surrounded by pictures and TV comercials etc of "complete" happy families. I know what you are saying when you say certain ages can be triggers. My baby would have been born Dec 9th. I keep seeing "baby 1st" Christmas stuff around.
Be gentle too you self and do what you need to do for self preservation-even if you have to block some of these people from your email for a while. You could just tell them if they ask that you were having computer problems. I did that a few years ago and it was nice to know that I could turn on the computer and know I would not be getting any pregnancy updates. Sometimes you just have to put yourself first.
I wish I was their to go see a good movie with you!!!!! Hugs to you Lynda. I hope the rest of your week gets better.
julb
Thanks Julia for your comments. I am feeling quite raw this week - it's always a bit of a shock when I've had a "good patch" with SIF - ie: not feeling triggered every damn minute of the day! You are right about Christmas - I guess the green-eyed monster has flared up me for me (once again) around these women I know having some special news this Christmas - the special news I had hoped for for so very long. Good idea about the computer problem line. I am thinking though I may have to be quite direct with the friends involved as it is a chance for me to practise direct communication - something I'm not so good at! I feel quite angry about several r'ships I have at the moment and how they've handled my SIF. Even when I shared with my husband last night that I had shed a few tears after feeling bombarded with baby news he just kind of commented how that happened when another close friend had her second child - that I got triggered a lot. Duh!! Even with my husband, I just wish he'd give me a hug and validate my feelings sometimes. I'm sick of feeling as though I am over-reacting at times like this!! x
LyndaJT
Lynda, I know how much it hurts when everyone else around you seems to have a growing bump. Julia is right, it is hard around Christmas time too, I just keep thinking this is Kaden's 4th Christmas as an only child and it gets me really mad and angry. Hope tomorrow is a better day. Take Care x
MelissaDobson