jeri777's Journal

Hello D.S. Another sleepless night, the Seroquel is too strong, and I am scared to take it. It helped alot last night when I came to DS and seen all the hugs..Its been a long time since I had support like that. I just need some rest. Yesterday was just one of those days you are glad to be done with. I have done alot of thinking overnight and I realize even thought I have been with my husband almost 15 years he can't really know me. if he really knew me he would know that I tried to fight when I came to, after being knocked out, but its kinda hard to do when you have a man on your back choking you with your shirt and then continuing to choke you while beating you until he thought he had killed you. I know there was nothing else I could have done!! He may not but I do!!! I have just been numb for such a long time now and I have not been living, barely surviving. I am not at my lowest point so that is a plus. I know its only been a few days, but the journaling is helping, and the extra support is awesome. I am able to get it out instead of holding it all in. Its been hard admitting I have so many problems but I feel I am just beginning to realize that over half of my problems arise from my childhood and I dealt with them by 'NOT DEALING" with them and since the attack its brought everything to the open. I am going to pray for a new day a new beginning and some light of hope. I deserve that, I know my faith is being tested, but that is one thing that will not fail. I always try to start the day with being thankful for 1 thing and holding on to that, and I am thankful for "breathing" today, yesterday was so bad and I made it through.