Just tired and emotional. Have …
Just tired and emotional. Have you ever been given so much advice that you just don't know where to start? My sleeping …
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jeri777 
hello D.S. Another sleepless night. I sleep long enough for the nightmares to happen, then I awake for the rest of the night. How could I have let this happen. After being abused as a child I have tried to be so careful. I know deep down its not my fault because that coward had to sneak up on me and attack but its hard dealing with it. I was just facing my childhood problems. I had always separated myself from what happened when I was 8-10. It seemed to be easier that way. It been 25 years and the pain is still there. After my father died when I was 7 The person that gave birth to me (she has never been a mother) moved another man in (within 3-4) months and thats when it started. When he left I finally told what he was doing to me, only to be called a liar and made fun of by that woman. She would bring it up in front of people just to make me cry. I know that I am a better OVERPROTECTIVE mother but my children know there is nothing I would not do for them.That bring me some peace because I never want either of them to feel this way. I am going to take this one day at a time. I pray there will be a time I can goo to bed and and just sleep, anxiety free, nightmare free. Well I hope today is better that last night.
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I feel so bad that there have been so many people in your life that should be your strength, have been your demise. You seem like a lovely woman who despite all the negatives is incrediably strong. I can tell just by your writing that you are (one of the few) that is able to prevail passed these events. I hope today is better than last night, and each night gets better. I do not know how spiritual of a person you are, but I began to develop a relationship with a "god" like concept. Its not a male god, that you have to ask "why?" or for help and forgivness, who never listens or understands. Who is a father above us, who we serve. I made it more personal, more on our earth with us, and with that I have been able to give things up to this god. I can almost feel a physical release of weight off my chest. I try to do this with things far in the past. Maybe that could help with your "mother." just release her, she is not your mom, she isnt needed. This is how i think of my "dad" and it kind of helps, because he is not related to the events that haunt me currently. He is an old open wound, turned into a scab and I try not to pick it. He hasn;t been in my life for a looonnnnggg time and will never be again, so i need to release him from my mind. he does no good to me moving on in my life and developing new healthy relationships or coping with anything else. hang on girl, you are going to get some great sleep really soon, I can feel it.
sarah449
Thanks sarah449, I do believe in God, He is what has helped get me through to this point. I have tried to turn it over to him, and it releases the weight for a while, which is a blessing in itself. Without God and my children I would not be here today. I think I have found the outlet in this site where there is understanding and concern that i so desperatly need right now. I have a gleem of hope for the 1st time in a very long time. I have a community support worker who is great, but she hasn't been there and I think its hard for her to understand sometimes. I hope I can get to a point where I can remember everything so I can go on and get some kind of life back. I too have greived the loss of my mother, she will never be in my life again, Again thanks for your help it is sincerly appreciated.
jeri777