Journal Entry for December 12, 2007
December 12, 2007 2:11am
Here is just a typical thing that just happened to me because these things always happen to me.
I took several klonopin, more than enough to make me …
TRenae
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About Me
TRenae
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About Me
I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin, I take at least 3 times what is prescribed and when I run out I take OTC sleeping pills. I take OTC painkillers almost daily...if I can get my hands on prescription painkillers I take them too, although that isn't often. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad (specifically with Klonopin) and I have no support. It’s important that I keep working and functioning because money is a major concern/problem. I would love to start a family and the fact that I'm hooked on these drugs really makes me even sadder. Money is so bad right now that I can’t even pay my bills. I’m so scared that my house will go into foreclosure, my car will be repo’d any day and my cable and electric will be shut off. I had plenty of money until recently when I simultaneously lost 2 jobs and my other job starting giving me a hard time and not being as flexible with my hours. Over the past year my life has just spiraled downward very quickly.
I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin, I take at least 3 times what is prescribed and when I run out I take OTC sleeping pills. I take OTC painkillers almost daily...if I can get my hands on prescription painkillers I take them too, although that isn't often. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad (specifically with Klonopin) and I have no support. It’s important that I keep
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Interests
I used to love to cook, write, read, laugh, hang out with friends, go to movies, go out to eat, etc. Now I play videogames, watch TV & DVDs, stay online all night and basically never leave this spot on my bed unless I actually make it into work for a few hours.
I used to love to cook, write, read, laugh, hang out with friends, go to movies, go out to eat, etc.
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Journal Entry for December 11, 2007
December 11, 2007 7:05pm
My life is just a mess and I just need help piecing it back together and I don't know where to start....I don't want to take all these pills …
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Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. The recent loss of 2 jobs, a friend and sudden financial problems is making me lay in bed for days at a time. I feel my clock ticking and would love to start a family, but I can't ever see that happening and it only adds to my sadness.
Treatments
Close Prescription Drug Abuse
I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. I somehow manage to get prescriptions out of 5 different pharmacies for the Klonopin and take much, much more than what I am prescribed and I just can't seem to wein myself down. I feel my clock ticking and would love to start a family but I can't ever see that happening and it hurts more.
Treatments
- Clonazepam Not Working
- This IS my RX drug abuse.
- Caffeine Somewhat Helpful
- I have to take caffeine pills and drink coffee to wake me from my Klonopin hangover everyday.
Open Anxiety
I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. I feel my clock ticking and would love to start a family, but I can't ever see that happening and it only adds to my sadness.
Treatments
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- Addicted/Abused. I probably take at least triple what is prescribed.
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- Too hard to think happy thoughts when I'm worrying...
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Current dosage is 200MG/day (highest ever). Side effects disrupting my life (i.e. insomnia, sexual).
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Clonazepam Working / Worked
Open Panic Attacks
I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. I feel my clock ticking and would love to start a family, but I can't ever see that happening and it only adds to my sadness.
Treatments
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- Addicted/Abuse.
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- Too hard.
- Rescue Remedy Not Working
- Didn't do anything. Waste of $$.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Current dosage is 200MG/day (highest ever). Side effects disrupting my life (i.e. insomnia, sexual).
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Clonazepam Working / Worked
Open Insomnia
I’ve always been a bad sleeper. I think I started taking Tylenol PM when I was 13. I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin and when I run out I take OTC sleeping pills. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. It’s important that I keep working and functioning because money is a major concern/problem.
Treatments
- Clonazepam Working / Worked
Open Financial Challenges
Money is so bad right now that I can’t even pay my bills. I’m so scared that my house will go into foreclosure, my car will be repo’d any day and my cable and electric will be shut off. I am just up all night just about every night worrying unless I take a bunch of Klonopin. I am on Zoloft and Klonopin for Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks.
Treatments
- Budgeting Somewhat Helpful
- It worked when I pulled in enough money...I'm at the point where $5 won't help me.
- Debt Consolidation Working / Worked
- It helped me in the past. I'm not at that point yet and I don't want to have to go down that road again. I just want to work everyday like a normal person.
- Earn Money Somewhat Helpful
- I recently lost 2 jobs and my 3rd started being much less flexible with my hours...it has caused a HUGE strain on me. I'm depressed and it's not easy finding another job with hours that would work so I can work both jobs.
- Holding a Garage Sale Working / Worked
- I've run out of things to sell...
Open Shyness
I have always been shy. I was not socialized as a child and can't approach or start a conversation with new people. When I used to have to stand in front of the class to read something I would turn bright red with embarassment and get laughed at. I have low-self esteem and I hate my body. I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin and often take many pills before heading to a social situation.
Treatments
- Pets Working / Worked
- My dogs do help, but I actually feel hurt when my new dog won't sleep with me or seems to love someone else more.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- The zoloft definitely brought out a new side of me.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Clonazepam Working / Worked
Open Stress Management
I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. It’s important that I keep working and functioning because money is a major concern/problem. I am just up all night just about every night worrying. Although I never have, sometimes this rage comes over me where I just want to hit or break something...so I take Klonopin.
Treatments
- Music Working / Worked
- Music is a big helper and mood lifter for me, but it can't fix everything and I can't have it on all the time.
- Physical Exercise Not Working
- I am totally unmotivated. I have no willpower and can't stick to anything. And sometimes when I exercise, the breathing or pounding heart throws me into a panic attack.
- Clonazepam Working / Worked
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
I wonder if I do have PTSD. I was just a normal girl until one night I "experimented" and took 4-5 extacy pills...I have never been the same. Now I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin. I would love to get off of them, but the withdrawal is just so bad and I have no support. All I want is to have a normal life with a family but my life is getting worse, not better.
Treatments
- Art Not Working
- I used to draw but...I guess I just stopped. Never thought about it until now.
- Music Working / Worked
- Music distracts me and lifts my spirits, but you can't listen to music constantly and it doesn't fix things.
- Reading Not Working
- They used to be a distraction, now I can't even get through a page.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- I'm currently taking 200MG/day.
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- I abuse Klonopin but it does calm me.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
Open Diets & Weight Maintenance
I hate my body, I hate my face. I was always the chubby girl. I struggle on and off with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I've been on Zoloft and Klonopin for about 9 years. I abuse Klonopin. I also used to take Xenadrine when it still had ephedrine in it and lost about 30-40 lbs. I got such a positive response that I started modeling and was much more outgoing. No other diet pills work the same and I've gained some back. So I refuse to go to the beach and I sit here sad and depressed.
Treatments
- Counting Calories Somewhat Helpful
- I try, but I just can't stick to it. I start and stop, start and stop.
- Eating Healthier Foods Somewhat Helpful
- I would love to but I can't afford to buy healthier foods...I don't even cook anymore, I just eat what someone gives to me.
- Eat Less Somewhat Helpful
- As a side effect of the Klonopin I have a big appetite, so I'm eating at all hours of the night.
- Physical Exercise Not Working
- I don't have the willpower to stick to exercise and it sometimes throws me into a panic attack if my heart is beating too fast or I lose my breathe.
- Clonazepam Not Working
- Side effect is hunger so I over eat.
Open Family Issues
I don't even talk to any of my family...my mother has never been the same since my father died. She is the only out of 4 kids that isn't an addict. My brother has anger-management problems and my sister has a family of her own and lives 100 miles away,she's always busy. I'm not invited to functions (although my mother is). Meanwhile my boyfriend's family call each other everyday and I have no one. It's just really hard I don't know how to explain it right now.
Treatments
- Zoloft Working / Worked
Open TMJ
As far as TMJ it came out of the blue. Sometimes I wake up in pain with my jaw locked up...sometimes I have to physically move it around with my hands to get it into place. It constantly click-clacks and it's LOUD. Dr. said I was the 2nd worse case he'd ever seen. I think that I suffer from just about every stress/anxiety ailment there is.
Treatments
- Mouthguard Not Working
- Insurance woudln't cover it.
Open Psoriasis
Affected Areas: Psoriasis of the SkinI believe it's only a side effect of my Zoloft but still very embarassing and itchy/painful. It's all over my scalp and sometimes I get patches on my skin.
Treatments
- Betamethasone (Topical) Working / Worked
- It works but it smells horrid.
- Coal Tar Not Working
- Just makes me smell weird...doesn't help.
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