what can ya do
March 20, 2010 7:45pm
Cause I reaLly wanna but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I have hope but no control so what can ya do?
Progress
50 %
schtic
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About Me
schtic
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About Me
Well I have been on subutex for 3 years if you want it to work , if you want "normal" it works I have learned a lot about it about me about life though I don't claim any answers except my views on religion and my many years of whatever you waNna call it life no answers theRe unless its a sentence that's not fun but I been there I been thru it all if you don't think it can help you, please think again, I was into the worst, I'm not bad but I well I guess just an outlaw of sorts I had to try it all I liked a lot I have spent my entire adult life well I wasn't trying to do more than have fun till I was 30 then the trouble started following me things went bad lawyers are expensive hard drugs are bad prescription drugs are even worse they look so innocent my favorites are mostly pastel colors well some but I'm getting over the opiate thru the use of sub I have been on it a long time and will continue untill I'm sure I think I'm there so maybe just a bit longer I dunno its so much easier to go to an addiction med dr and get sub and something to help sleep! And not worry about getting in more trouble ! And not having to be sick all the time is nice its not particularly off drugs but instead I feel sober the meds won't allow me to get high though I'm not sure I can control my Benz addiction I feel like coming back to ds maybe I could find someone else in the struggle if not to help me to help them or to just maybe identify I feel so alone but I'm not I have made it thru so much! Way worse and bless the Lord but I'm not there yet I don't know if I ever will be free but I keep hoping and praying for it I know one day , one day! I will be free!
Well I have been on subutex for 3 years if you want it to work , if you want "normal" it works I have learned a lot about it about me about life though I don't claim any answers except my views on religion and my many years of whatever you waNna call it life no answers theRe unless its a sentence that's not fun but I been there I been thru it all if you don't think it can help you, please think again, I was into the worst, I'm not bad but I well I guess just an outlaw of sorts I had to try it all
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Interests
Music , life , meeting new and interesting people, I guess I'm still trying to find someone I can really identify with I can talk to by coming back to ds I have met a lot of kind some not so but I like to smile and laugh and I haven't much in a long bit it seems , not enuff anyway but I dunno that's tough I do appreciate everyone on ds that has been kind and at times offered advice which I'm always in need of not that ill listen but ill listen ;)
Music , life , meeting new and interesting people, I guess I'm still trying to find someone I can really
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Journal
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i miss my friend
March 19, 2010 5:53pm
I miss my new friend I hope she's ok. I'm sure she is fine though her issues are somewhat like mine. Its hard to saY but I hope she's ok. I'm sure …
This entry is private
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praying for a friend
March 19, 2010 11:55am
I hope she's ok. I dunno what's up and I'm not gonna cause problems to find out. I want to but I want to not cause problems , there is no way to know …
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praying for a friend
March 19, 2010 11:51am
I hope she's ok. I dunno what's up and I'm not gonna cause problems to find out. I want to but I want to not cause problems , there is no way to know …
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Hugbook
Hug
ooops, sorry schtic,
I didn't see my message being sent so I pushed send a few times! Well, I guess we can all use some extra hugs, huh?
zen-
Hug
Here's a hug for you today and know you are being thought about and prayed for.
~ Zen -
Hug
Here's a hug for you today and know you are being thought about and prayed for.
~ Zen -
Hug
Here's a hug for you today and know you are being thought about and prayed for.
~ Zen 
Little Love
Hey, I just read and commented on your journal. Can you send me a message with your email ? I really hope you're alright.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Heroin Addiction & Recovery
I came back I'm not sure why. I left because it was causing me more pain to be here I guess I am long time successful subutex case I mean I went thru many years of pills and narcotics untill I found sub its helped me get my life back but I'm afraid um not cured just under control where I go from here the lord only knows cause I feel I'm cracking I guess that's why I'm here its not like I have been perfect
Treatments
- Faith Working / Worked
- Oh yeh i have died...dead od od od was dieying er's and whatever you can imagine..why else would i be here. maby i can encourage someone now that I'm back I think I need encouraging I need more faith!
- Suboxone Working / Worked
- That stuff sucks you do absorbe some narcan and it caused me many issues
- Subutex Working / Worked
- Yes and no I got my life back except my credit and a "real job" everyone thinks I'm ok but I'm not after 2.5 years I don't think ill ever get off it unless its to get on something else I was much more optomistic a year ago now I just seem to want to quit it and have fun again but I know the cost and risk and what will happen and its to ugly to go back but I can't forget the bliss of slowly killing myself I dunno I have yet to see anything work nothing works but our own will the drugs like this just help keep you from using but don't stop you if I wasn't so isolated I don't know if it would I had to ditch all my "friends" so I can't score anyway that's all that works
Close Prescription Drug Abuse
I guess I need support when I first came to ds few years ago I thought I was on to something and could encourage others and I did but I think I come back in need of support I dunno I guess I nEed peOple to talk to that understand well first I have been on subutex over 2.5 years now it just seems its time to move on but I can't I'm addicted to it I'm not on the street I see a good dr but he can only do so much I started on 20mg now I use about 6mg give or take but I stay on it well for several reasons that I guess I'm looking for I gotta know I can be without it or if I should just stay under its protection for well, so I don't mess up again but its getting old I'm tired of needing something but I also take benzo's too I think I could go without sub before I could the benzo's I'm here because I'm afraid again I guess its winter setting in that's harder for me than summer I don't know why but for me it is.
Treatments
- Faith Working / Worked
- Well yeh but I can't prove it , I can't think of any side effects of faith and hope
- Suboxone Working / Worked
- Terrible side effects
- Subutex Working / Worked
- Well it has allowed me to catch up sort of and live as close to a normal life as I can , I get a bit wired and nervous from it but that's why I take benzo's
Open Anxiety
Well I worry more than I think is healthy and using benzo's for couple years just don't really do it , they help but I still freakout over stuff just missing my car keys for a bit drives my up the wall I'm tired of climbing the walls but I know my lifestyle probably has a lot to do with it I worry because I messed up my life I been to the bottom and have worked long and hard to climb out but along the way between getting robbed a few times one at gun point and other personl reasons have made me one giant knot my whole body and mind stay tense and I just freak out sometimes over nothing !
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- I can't sleep without it but I like the way it wears off and I can get up without a hangover
- BuSpar Working / Worked
- Sucked made me feel drunk for a while I don't drink so feeling drunk just turned me off it
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- Just makes me tired the next day and so on
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Well I can't seem to think positively right now I have in the past but perhaps that's why I came back to ds
- Trazodone Not Working
- Just made me really tired its caused my dad to get so slopy and careless he has accidently shot himself twice
- Valium Somewhat Helpful
- It helps but is just another problem ontop of a different problem seems best used only from time to time not regularly or it just stop's working at all
- Xanax Working / Worked
- Well I go to a dr that gets you off drugs rather than putting you on them and dosnt think I should get on it and I agree after taking it for a month at night to sleep I began to have real cravings for it in the day
- Zoloft Not Working
- Makes me feel like gas station speed to me
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