Join Now
sammers 
3:57pm Saturday
It seems strange to write a journal entry when there is nothing bad happening in my life and I’m feeling good, but I think I should do, if only to keep my friends up to date with my life, and to give me something to look back on and remember that there are good times.
After my last EMDR session ( the one after the previous journal entry ) my psychologist and I had a good talk. Both he and I agreed that the sessions ( 5 in all ) had gone really well, and that I seemed to be doing well. The one where I cried at the end seemed to be the pivotal one, and the one that hit all the right spots regarding the traumas that affected me.
Since then, I’ve been totally fine. Normal. whatever normal is. I had a nightmare the other night, but I cant kid myself into thinking that something so profound in my life will disappear just like that. I thought about it and forgave myself for the fact it made me feel bad for the day after, and then got on with things.
Am I cured ? Who the hell knows. It’s only been two weeks since the last session. I certainly feel, “different”, less angry, less jumpy, and less anxious. I can look to the future and believe in the plans I make. I’ve taken steps to change my life, and to try and move into something I will find more rewarding than IT in the Financial Services industry.
Starting September, I will be taking a Counselling and Psychotherapy course with a view to becoming a full time counsellor , specialising in trauma. The intention is to begin to practice part time in two years, whilst I fund the next two years of the course by staying on at the bank. If things pick up well, I’ll quit the bank and do the counselling full time. Once I’ve got some experience, I’m planning to do train to deliver EMDR and also CBT therapies.
Of course, plans only survive as long as they are not exposed to the real world. I will no doubt have to adjust plans slightly due to real world events, but the goal will remain. It feels good to know that I have a goal to reach, and that I feel strong enough to deal with any threats to it’s attainment.
At that point, it will be decision time, though probably the most easy decision of my life. Stay in IT, or do something that will make me feel good about myself ? I hope I can look back in four years and say I made the right one.
After my last EMDR session ( the one after the previous journal entry ) my psychologist and I had a good talk. Both he and I agreed that the sessions ( 5 in all ) had gone really well, and that I seemed to be doing well. The one where I cried at the end seemed to be the pivotal one, and the one that hit all the right spots regarding the traumas that affected me.
Since then, I’ve been totally fine. Normal. whatever normal is. I had a nightmare the other night, but I cant kid myself into thinking that something so profound in my life will disappear just like that. I thought about it and forgave myself for the fact it made me feel bad for the day after, and then got on with things.
Am I cured ? Who the hell knows. It’s only been two weeks since the last session. I certainly feel, “different”, less angry, less jumpy, and less anxious. I can look to the future and believe in the plans I make. I’ve taken steps to change my life, and to try and move into something I will find more rewarding than IT in the Financial Services industry.
Starting September, I will be taking a Counselling and Psychotherapy course with a view to becoming a full time counsellor , specialising in trauma. The intention is to begin to practice part time in two years, whilst I fund the next two years of the course by staying on at the bank. If things pick up well, I’ll quit the bank and do the counselling full time. Once I’ve got some experience, I’m planning to do train to deliver EMDR and also CBT therapies.
Of course, plans only survive as long as they are not exposed to the real world. I will no doubt have to adjust plans slightly due to real world events, but the goal will remain. It feels good to know that I have a goal to reach, and that I feel strong enough to deal with any threats to it’s attainment.
At that point, it will be decision time, though probably the most easy decision of my life. Stay in IT, or do something that will make me feel good about myself ? I hope I can look back in four years and say I made the right one.
Comments
Wow Mark. What a great journal! Very inspiring. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling so well, and I really hope that the effects of the EMDR are life-long. And your plans to go into counselling...good for you. You would be an amazing asset to the mental health community. The very best counsellors are the ones who actually understand things on a personal level, and you certainly have that. Go for it bud, and I really hope it all works out.
mynameis