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ShannonU 
10:55pm, July 20, 2009
I know that I have talked about my son's troubles often. It is sickening to me having Josh home and watching as my baby is heading full speed ahead to a life of jail and struggle. Since he was about 12 years old he figured out that he doesnt have to be in school.....he can leave and then just not go. I have done everything with him to get him to just stop and realize that he is skrewing up his life.
June of 2007, 5 months before Josh went to prison, my son thought it would be just fine to follow his friend into another friends house and take a few things. That doesnt work so well when you get busted for it. He now has several felonies and has been on probation since that time. Last summer he was in an inpatient program called the Phoenix Program that was for helping with behavioural issues. For a while that did a lot of good but now it has gotten worse then ever.
On Tuesday May 5th he got into a fight with another student and has been suspended for 10 school days or until he goes in with me, the principal, and his PO to set up a plan to help him be successful. I honestly dont think that it will do any good because he will say what he thinks people want to hear but he wont follow through with it and just go back to skipping school. This could be challenging in itself as I have not seen my son much at all in the last few weeks. He feels that he has the right to go where he wants when he wants and doesnt have to answer to anyone. We have gotten to the point that at 10 at night, an hour past his curfew, we lock the door. There is a sleeping bag by the back door and a covered patio to keep him warm and mostly out of the weather. I dont cook dinner for him anymore because it is a waste of food since most of the time he isnt here to eat it anyway.
This is so hard for me because he is my baby even if he is almost 16 and I hate the fact that I have had to give up trying to fix things for him because I dont have the strength to do it anymore. He always asks for another chance and gets upset when I try to set consequences but I have told him flat out that I dont have any chances left he has used them all up and he has to deal with the consequences of what he does on his own. I have done everything and fought for him harder than he has been willing to fight for himself and I just cant do it anymore.
I feel like a terrible mother because of how everything is happening. On top of the felonies he has still sitting over his head from the burglary he now may be facing assault charges if the parents press charges. I cant sleep much anymore and my stomach has been absolutely tied into knots and today as the day goes on the worse it gets. I just so do not know what to do to save my son. This is a prime example for all the mothers of prisoners on this site that sometimes it doesnt matter how hard you try when they are young to raise them right they get to an age where they are making their own choices and they take things into their own hands and out of your control.
For all the love I have for my son I am perhaps more disappointed and I dont know how we are going to survive this time.
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Comments
WHEN I READ YOUR STORY IT WAS LIKE READING A STORY OF MY SON WHEN HE WAS YOUR SONS AGE.I WENT THOUGH THAT STAGE WHERE I FELT LIKE A BAD MOTHER BUT YOU CAN TAKE A HORSE TO WATER BUT YOU CANT MAKE IT DRINK.YOU ALSO CAN NOT RAP YOUR CHILDREN IN COTTON WOOL AS SOON AS THEY LEAVE THERE HOUSE THEY BECOME THERE OWN RESPONSIBITLY. I USE TO TIE MY SELF IN KNOTS TO.YOU LOVE YOUR SON JUST AS I LOVE MINE'I KNOW FROM READING THIS YOU HAVE TRIED YOUR BEST SO WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO. IS NOW UP TO JOSHAND AS U SAID IT IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL HUGS WENDY
tvlover
I wish I did have a good answer for you Shannon. One that would magically make all things right, I have been where you are at. It is not fun and you feel like nothing works no matter how much you care....he seems to not care at all.
All I can do is be here for you if you want to talk. We tried many different things too.
Big Hugs!
Love Rhea
tiredtiredtired
Shannon, my heart is really breaking for you. I have been in your shoes, I know how you are feeling. Our son, Matt was exactly like your Josh. We adopted him at age 18 months and and for several years he was just a very active and rambunctious little boy. As time past he was diagnozed with AD/HD also behavior problems were getting so much worse. We had some years exactly as yours, doing everything psosible to try to get him steered in the right direction, we spent almost as much time at the schools as we did on our jobs. He was expelled or suspended several times each year, until he was placed in a alternative school. We had him see councelors. But all in all he could be such a loving , sweet and very polite to others when it ws to his benefit. He new how to say all the right things etc. We divorced, he stayed with both of us, until he ws almost 18 in his senior year, dropped out an decided he was going to live with friends. That last about a year in & out of jobs, on the streets, we helped him get an apartment and jobs, we continued to try to help him make it on his own, but his friends were low lifes and druggies, ( I have since realized so was Matt) anyway he went to MS with them and in a week was arrested for capital murder, because of a robbery gone bad. This is just a story you think you see on tv or happens to fictional characters. I never imagined me in this world, I never imagined 3 years before a sentence of life without parole. He was 19 at the time, now he is 24 and our lifes have been totally changed forever. It has taken me all this time to realize i had don everything humanly possible to help him become a man of good character, but he made choices that were bad and he now is living with the consequences. So are the rest of his family. He has accepted his punishment and at times I think he even realizes that he is were he can not be allowed to make these typoe choices ever again, and he almost has a relief or attitude of sort of comforted by that fact. I do not know how to explain but given his sentence I would be overwhelmed and just suicidal etc. He is totally opposite, he is dealing with it so amazingly no one can believe it. But it is almost as if he thinks this is where he was destined and he is complacent. I can not tell you what I feel, I am still struggling with that answer, but I am beeter than at first, this group has helped me more than anything other than my faith and trust in God. The Parents of Prisoners is an excellant sight it relates to us, which is what I need. My prayers are with you. Be good to yourself.
upforit
Chris was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7. I knew he had it from the time he could move but doctors dont listen to parents. He was on Ritalin, Adderral, and another one I cant remember the name of and even a combination of more than one at a time. It did some good but it didnt do much good. By the time Chris was in seventh grade I took him off the meds. They had started him on Clonodine so that he would go to sleep at night and they couldnt up the meds for the ADHD anymore because he was at the top of the dosage for his weight. He is a tall skinny kid and my kid on ADHD meds didnt eat and didnt sleep when I took off the meds he grew 2 inches...he hadnt grown for 2 years before that and was wearing the same pants he had worn in 5th grade.
We have tried counseling and the Phoenix program was very counseling intensive program. I have tried different schools but it doesnt help. As far as learning disabilities beyond the ADHD he doesnt have any. He reads at a college level and has always had an excellent grasp on math....that was until he stopped going to classes or doing homework as we all know math gets away from ya if you dont do it in order.
Thank you ladies it is good to know that I am not alone. I am hoping that sometime today my guts will untie but it doesnt seem like it is gonna happen anytime soon. I am so worried abou this future.
ShannonU
Sorry Shannon, I called him Josh, what was I thinking, Chris sounds so much like my Matt. I know how your guts feel, sometimes when reading posts like yours, it takes me back to that day or period in my life. I always wish, I had known more or tried more, but I do not know anything else that we could have done, short of hog tying him to us. What kind of life would that be. He told me several times since "mom, if I ever get out of here, I bet you will handcuff me to your arm, won't you" I said "absolutely". How I pray that I get that opportunity. Good luck to you. I can only pray for a good outcome. I am here for a shoulder also.
upforit