katlestrange's Journal

    well unlike most of my friends i think i had the worst holiday of my life! not only on the last day of school i felt i couldnt come in because i had fallen out with emily, who is my life <3. So after falling out with her, tash decided everything happens to be my fault. she had a complete spaz at me and after that i had nothing i could do but cut. don't get me wrong i love her more than life but why is she always calling me selfish and saying im inconsiderate when i live my whole  life trying to please her my other friends my parents and everyone else i know. she said to me and i quote "we are just like lil puppets that are pushed around and treated like crap when you feel bad" im sorry but what the fuck is she on about, if i treated her like crap everytime i was upset she would kill me. this is the first and last time i snap at one of my friends if this is how she is going to treat me. the argument if you can call it that was between me and emily it had nothing to do with her so why does she have to get involved. after that i havent spoken to anyone, i havent seen any of them and spent nearly all of my holiday on my own.  

     only a couple of days after that my mum decides that my art is too personal which incase she hasnt realised is the only advantage i have and even mr potter agrees, she went off about how she didnt like what it said and how screwed up i am, but after that had finally calmed down i went to bed and spent 3 hours crying before i finally got to sleep.

   The very next my mum want to talk to me and my dad in the lounge, she now thinks its a good idea to move out as she is obviously making my life worse, apprently. i got so pset on that day that i ended up punching my wall with such force i took the skin off two of my fingers leaving blood on the wall.  After a few days of none of us really speaking my dad manages to get my mum to stay, but unfortunatly by that point ive come to the conclusion, that not even my mum wants me anymore.

   me and my dad went to see the new doctor, she seems quite nice and decided to up the dose of my meds, which after all was what i thought she was going to do. but only to get a phone call two days later saying that i should be taken back down to the orginal dose and the decision was now up to the ow so brilliant doctor stanley. so as usually i have to wait for ages to get any decision out of him. 

   by this time in the holiday im so worked up about everything i cant even sit still, so when it came to doing my textiles i couldnt concentrate for two seconds. but against my will i had to try so hard and it took so long just to do an evaluation let alone most of my folder work, so ive just got to hope mrs walton's in a good mood when she marks it.

     my dad was supposed to be going into hospital for an opperation but how suprisingly its been cancelled the day before and her now has to wait another week. which makes him more nevous and me every nevous. 

   i wrote cards to emily and tash explaining how sorry i was and telling them that if they want me to i will leave them alone. Emily has said that the card was lovely and everything seems to have calmed down between me and her, but tash on the other hand want me karen her and emily to meet on tuesday lunch to sort this out, which actually means have a go at me.  

     And as if that wasn't enough i've gained nearly all the weight i lost back on again so im now going on a crash diet in hope of losing it again.

   THE END