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lvnikita 
2:46pm, November 7, 2009
I am still sad but have come realize that everything happens for a reason. When one door closes another one opens... I am not a cliche type of person BUT... I can't stand here looking at the closed trying to will it open. I need to be open to find the next open door. Maybe Aiden will be my only child, who knows but I can't spend a lot of time and energy on this one... He is my life and he deserve all of me. It has been a stressful week with his fall, this situation and the stress I am feeling because my milk supply is dropping so quickly... Gotta pull it together. My son needs me.
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As most of you know, I am a single mom of what I think is the most beautiful little boy in the world. The one thing I wanted to give him was a full brother or sister some day in the future. I found out tonite the donor retired and I was put on the waiting list to receive vials if someone should sell them back. There are at least two people a head of me. I know he will still get a brother or sister but I REALLY wanted them to have the same set of genes! I will keep praying that by some miracle I will receive a few vials of this donor's goods.... which is an odd prayer, but who knows.... right? It could happen... I am not looking to even start trying for another 14 months! That is a lot of time! Although, if they become available I will buying them up! Who knows, maybe I will meet the man of my dreams and we will have a little one and he will treat Aiden has his own...Hummm!
Of topic, Aiden fell off the bed the other day. I have hard wood floors. It was sooo scary!! He is fine and sitting here crawling around on the floor. Well, he doesn't really crawl, but scoots and army crawls.... New skill this week!
Gotta run, we are going out for my birthday...
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that is sad! its too bad they cant call him and ask for one more donation. im sure if he knew your story hed do it. he must be popular to have other people waiting for his dna, too. :) wouldnt it be weird, if you met the man of your dreams and it turned out to be him?! i always wondered if that ever happens? you could be a lifetime movie in the waiting! :) sorry to hear about aiden little tumble. landon fell out of his chair a couple months ago and landed on the tile, it scared the crap out of me, but he was fine after he got over the initial shock of it. i will never forget that "splat" sound tho! and happy birthday!!!!! :)
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I'll be sending prayers your way that things work out for you and Aiden and future siblings - it must be so hard to be unsure about what will happen, but if the last few years have taught me anything it's that things work out the way they're supposed to....eventually, anyway!!! Just hang in there! I'm glad Aiden is ok after his fall - I've come so close to having Jonah crash so many times!!
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that's its bad they can't call and ask from him to donate again! i agree with pattijo.
Ho and poor little thing, i hope he is alright, i know it must have been so scary for you! lily fall the stars we found her in the middle of them. she was fine, actuly like she had fun. hugs!
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I can understand why you would want to give Aiden a full brother or sister, you never know, maybe things will work out (hopefully). Enjoy your little boy!
Getting serious about the weight loss. I editted the goal so I could give accurate accounts. My starting weight was 198. That is REALLY high for me. When I started the pregnancy journey I was 140. Through all the pregnancies, miscarriages, birth of Aiden, stress with eveything I gained 78 pounds. To put it all in writing... thats a lot. After Aiden was born, I went from 218, down to 188...then I gained 10 back...Yikes...so basically when I started this, I had 58 pounds to lose and I decided a week ago that it is now time... so anyway, I editted my journal today and I am updating it. I wanted to get my starting weight and how much I have lost already on there instead of just starting where I am today. I worked too hard to lose those 8.5lbs and they are definitely a part of this journey. So, as of today, I am out of the 190s... barely, but definitely done with them...LOL... I feel better already, I am walking everyday on my lunch and taking Aiden out for a walk a few days a week. I am excited and definitely looking for some support so if any of you are trying to lose weight, let me know.... I will definitely support you as well. It isn't easy to do, especially without support!!
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Good luck - remember to be kind to yourself and set small goals like 5-10 lbs/month or so..... and if you have a bad day, don't beat yourself up, just remember that tomorrow is a new day.
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This is a great goal, you can definitely reach it. It's very important to have realistic goals.
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you go girl!! i need to lose weight too, but im not trying very hard. :P maybe you can make me jealous enuff to lite a fire under my butt and get me going!! its a tough time of year, but you can do it, i believe in you! :)
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Good luck, I know you'll do it!
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GL with your weight loss. I am trying to lose my weight as well. I still have about 10 pounds to my pre pregnancy weight and I would love an additional 5-10 pounds past that. I hope we both acheive our goals.
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ull do gt. we r all here to support u!
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Just keep holding onto that thought...things will happen as they need to. Just focus on your life with Aiden right now. You might be surprised at what the future brings - maybe something even better than you can imagine right now!
ErinSue
aaawwww sweetie i'm sure everything will be and are good. beleive strong and want it and it will happened. for now take a deep brath and big hug. hug him and kiss him.
ElizVin
You have every right to be sad but I'm very happy that you see it in a different light and see that maybe this is meant to be. I hope the stress calms down soon I'm sure he's fall wad very scary
4EVERinLOVE
I'm so sorry you are hitting rough patch. Some one in the donor egg group reminded us that family is more than dna. So any brother or sister will be blessed to be in your family..... BIG HUGS...
klimawife
I really think it is true when you say when a door closes another door opens.. I know it's hard to just do the We will see kind of attitude.. even though the waiting game is a struggle for us all- espeically when you want another baby... Over all glad to hear that Aiden is doing so good and you are as well...
Tight hugs,
michelle
Michelle2
I can see where you are coming from...another child with a different donor will not make that child any less of a brother/sister to Aiden. Look at all the families who have adopted. Speaking with lots of adoptees, they do not feel less of a member of their families and they totally love their siblings even if they are not blood related. Relax and enjoy your family. Aiden is a very special boy and even more so because you are his mother.
duane
You are such a strong person, I have full faith in you that you will get through these small bumps in the road. That next door is just waiting for you so hang in there, it will all work out!
HopefullySomeDay
That must be so frustrating and stressful. but I think thats the best outlook you can have. "One door closes, another one opens". I hope everything works out with the donor. Squeeze that cute little Aiden for me! (:
hopeful8
I believe that one door closes & another one opens for us. That door will open for you. Stay strong & believe. You're such a wonderful mom to Aiden. God has a plan for you & you will know when it's the right time. Keep the faith. Love & Hugs
April1963