LoMac's Journal

Somewhere in the next week+ my baby girl will be here! What a Mother's Day gift! So go to see the Hig-Risk Specialist agin today and then tomorrow is the appointment with my OB, so in theory by the time we leave there tomorrow we'll know when she'll be making her debut.

Can't help but admit I had a little breakdown this Sunday, funny timing since I had just been talking to DH about how he's be telling everyone who askes how much I'm loving being pg, of course they all assume that by this point I'm done and have entered the "ugly" time of pg, where I'm not sleeping and I'm uncomfortable and therefore "done and bitchy" and he's been saying "NO, she's great". He was surpised to find out that wasn't really the case, I just know that I have such a limited time left that I'm just kinda suckin' it up, but I'm done. If I was going to term I would be in the uglies, I'm just riding the edge. So then later that night getting ready for bed I realized i had yet another yeast infection and while brushing my teeth my tounge started bleeding, just a taste bud gone rogue but it was just enough to push me over the edge. DH found me in bed crying, breakdown of I'm done with this, combined with a good dose of but I'm so happy to be here and a realization that because we came to be here the way we did I've not been "myself" in years and now I'm going to have a c-section and have to recover from that, then she'd move and I'd feel so guilty and....I'm sure your get the point emotional rollercoaster, I had lost it! DH of course was wonderful and listened and told me I was crazy or ingratful, that after everything I'd been through it's only natural I'd have a breakdown every once and a while, plus it's a little stress over the coming week. Then made sure I knew we were fine as far as my leave goes so that if I wanted to walk into the office Monday and say "see ya in Septemeber" that I could to it. That I wasn't to feel my usual "responsibilties" to them at this point. Which is of course adding to my slightly uneven emotional state.

I'm so very happy to be here, days away from delivering my baby. But can't help but admit this has been more difficult and less fun then I thought it would be. Only nature I supose, I mean with us, our work culminates in a pg, which alone it not easy. What we put ourselves through before we even get there, it's a wonder by month 8 they do find us in a corner sobbing and out-of-our minds with "doneness". Damn we're strong!